


The 10 Duel Commitments

by Salina



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AU where Alex and Eliza haven't met yet, AU where john gets shot instead of lee, Aaron Burr being nice, Aaron Burr is So Done, Alex smoothtalker Hamilton, Alex will fight anyone, Alexander has poor time management skills, And he is definitely done with his problematic sons, Angst, Blood Loss, Dirty tap water, Doctor Alex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, George Washington is a Dad, George knows what's up, Group Hugs, Happy ending though, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I love these adorable idiots, I skipped school to write today, I'm Not Ashamed, Internal Conflict, John doesn't like showing weakness, John is a Mess, John is a sassy pants, John likes to fight men twice his size, Keeping injuries a secret, Laf and Herc are together, Laf and Herc ship it, Learning more about each other, Like seriously who thought this was a good idea, Lots of tears, M/M, Me and my friend planned this at 4AM, Nicknames, Nightmares, Protective Alexander Hamilton, Rain, Richard the bartender, Sabotage, Sleep? Who's she?, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, So much angst, So will John apparently, Song references, They're in love I stg, They're so bad at communicating i stg, Unresolved Tension, Watching the Sunrise, We meet John's dad, alex and john are frustrated at each other, and Therapist, charles you jerk, everyone is sleep deprived, i did too much research for this, lee is stupid, warning: swearing because this is the war bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salina/pseuds/Salina
Summary: **A twist on the Lee-Laurens duel in which John gets shot instead**Alex knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Not that night, not for the next three nights. See, anytime he closed his eyes he could hear the bullet as it exploded from the barrel of the gun; see John as the color drained from his face, staggering backward trying everything he could to stay upright. He could feel his friend as he trembled in his arms, struggling to catch his breath; smell the pungent fumes of gun powder enveloping the two and taste his tears, feeling himself fall apart from the inside out.So no, sleep wasn't really an option.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Comments: 33
Kudos: 128





	1. Choose Your Battles

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back! BACK AGAIN! Yeah, I'm somehow back in the fandom. So while the Superbowl plays in the background I'm writing this angsty fanfiction I planned at four in the morning. I need more coffee, you guys. This is going to be a fun time. As you can guess, the title and chapter names are a spin on the actual version "The 10 Duel Commandments" but rather than commandments, it's commitments. 
> 
> Hopefully, you will better see why this is later on in the story. Make sure to give kudos and tell me what you think! It doesn't even have to be long, just a few words will make my day. Thank you, guys, and enjoy! <3

**** “I’m just saying,” Charles Lee scoffed. “If Washington cared one bit about the revolution, he’d turn his pretty ass back around and leave the leading to the _capable._ ”

Alex wrung his hands under the bar table, seated only a few people down from Lee's group. It was taking everything in him to not stand up, shout, call Lee bluff in front of his group and prove to them what a coward he really is. The only thing keeping him grounded, funnily enough, was John sitting right next to him. 

“Don’t act,” John murmured warningly under his breath. “If something happens, this is your position at stake, not his.”

“Someone needs to put him in his place,” Alex shot back, frustrated. John leaned back and sighed. 

“I know. It’s killing me too.”

The group cheered, clanking their glasses together. What for, Alex couldn’t have cared less. Or maybe he cared too much, it was anyone’s guess. All he knew was if he gritted his teeth any harder he was going to shatter a tooth. 

“Why isn’t anyone doing anything? They are outwardly bashing _their_ general and they all remain silent!”

A few people glanced quizzically toward Alex’s direction. 

“Listen,” John said lowly, finishing the last of his drink. “How about we just meet up with Laf and Herc and head to a different bar, alright?”

Alex turned his head, following a patron who had stumbled over to Lee's group, talking and shooting occasional glances toward John and his direction. John seemed to notice this too, as he stood up. 

“Too late.”

Lee stumbled over drunkenly to the two, a look of pride sketched across his face. His posse followed close behind.

“Heard you were- _hic!_ Talking shit.”

“Lee this has nothing to do with you,” John growled. Alex felt his pulse quicken. 

“No no, I think it does. What’s a matter Alex? Cat got your tongue? Why don’t you come and fight me like a real man?” He hit his chest threateningly. 

“Well unlike you, _Charles_ , I follow the orders I’m given so you can piss off.” Alex shot back. He heard John sigh exasperatedly next to him.

“I don’t take orders from tobacco picking old men.”

“Why don’t-” John interjected quickly. ”-We settle this somewhere else? When you and your friends aren’t wasted?”

“John, what are you doing?” Alex murmured, taken aback by his friend’s cool demeanor. Any other time, John wouldn't have thought twice about punching in Lee's face.

“I’m saving your tail, that’s what.”

“Like… a duel?” 

“John, wait-”

“You’re on,” John said, holding a hand out. 

“Wednesday afternoon? I have plans Thursday,” Lee snickered as the two shook hands, Alex meanwhile dumbfounded at the exchange that had just taken place. 

“Sounds good to me.”

After details had been determined, and Lee went on his merry way, the two left the bar. 

“Why did you do that?” Alex said as they stepped out. 

“Alex, I wasn’t going to let you jeopardize your position with Washington. I know how much it means to you, and someone needs to teach that scumbag a lesson,” he chuckled. 

“Well… thank you, John, it means a lot.”

John laughed, playfully slugging Alex in the arm.

“Hey, what are friends for?”

  
  
  
  



	2. Use Your Brain, Trust Your Gut

John pulled his hair back, frustrated at how many ribbons he had broke in the past half hour. He eventually gave in and asked Alex to help him hold it back while he secured the ungodly amount of curls.

“How is your hair this thick?” Alex laughed, smoothing away stray hairs. 

“I wish I knew.”

John tied the ribbon a few more times until it finally stayed in place. He sighed, relieved. 

“Thanks.”

John gazed into the mirror across the room, carefully slicking back the last remaining stray hairs. There couldn’t be any in his face, otherwise, it may mess up his aim. Considering Lee- as much as he hated to say- had fairly good aim, that was a chance he’d rather not take.

“It’s almost three,” Alex noted from his seat across the room. “We should head out soon, wouldn’t you think?”

John nodded, trying his best to hide the shaky exhale that followed. He was nervous, no doubt about it, but he wasn’t about to let Alex know. Not on purpose anyway. He locked eyes with Alex from the mirror, only for a moment, and quickly turned away.

“John, listen, if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to-”

“I’m fine,” John said a little too quickly. He saw Alex’s brows furrow, so he added,

“This was my idea, and I’d like to consider myself a man of my word.”

“I know- and I’m not saying you aren’t- I just…” Alex paused for a moment. “Worry.”

John turned around, surprised. Alex was looking down into his lap sheepishly. 

“Don’t worry, Lex.”

Alex looked up quickly. John laughed, knowing very well that Alex hated the nickname with every fiber of his being. He continued.

“I’ll be alright. You act as if I’ve never shot a gun before,” he chuckled, throwing on his jacket. Alex scoffed.

“Now, I never said that-”

“You didn’t have to.”

Alex rolled his eyes, laughing. 

“Come on, we’re going to be late!”

* * *

The dueling ground wasn’t too far of a walk, just past the four mile stone on the point no point road. It was relatively nice outside too, a cool gust of wind here and there and mildly overcast, but nothing ridiculous. The only thing that bothered Alex was the unnatural silence between the two. He couldn’t help but wonder if the duel had been a mistake. _Keep your head,_ he reminded himself. _John said it himself, everything will be fine._ No matter how much he tried to convince himself, however, he still had a nagging feeling in his gut. It must’ve been bad enough, as John seemed to pick up on it.

“Are you alright? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Hm? No, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Alex swallowed, nodding his head. He could tell John wasn’t convinced. 

“I just have a bad feeling is all,” he admitted. “I’m sure it’s just me though.”

John shrugged, looking forward. Alex looked down feeling immediately feeling foolish. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop. I’m fantastic at overthinking, it seems,” he said lightly.

  
To his relief, John half-smiled. 

“Yo, don’t worry about it.”

“God, I can’t wait to see Lee get what’s coming to him,” Alexander said, rubbing his hands together. “You better aim right for his stupid face.”

“Alex!” John laughed.

“What? Is that asking too much?” Alex smiled. John rolled his eyes lightly, thankfully dissolving the tension. 

“There they are.”

Lee and Burr both stood at the clearing, patiently waiting. Alex took a deep breath, trying to further calm himself down. He felt a sprinkle of rain on the tip of his nose. As they walked toward the two he noticed how much more tense John had become.

“There you two are,” Aaron said, “We thought you wouldn’t show.”

“Are you kidding? Not for the world,” Alex laughed. Aaron set his lips in a straight line. 

“Yeah. Well, I’m afraid that might not make any difference.”

“What do you mean?”

“Doctor was a no show,” he said, gesturing to the open space around them. “Charles is still willing, it’s up to John if he wants to follow through.”

Alex scoffed. 

“This isn’t a joke, you know, someone could potentially die,” Aaron crossed his arms. “Chances are even higher now. It’s your call.”

“Are you kidding? Half the doctors at duels aren’t even actual doctors-”

Alex was cut off by a piercing glance from Aaron. He sighed. 

“Let me talk to him.”

Alex sighed, he noticed Charles rubbing a cloth across his gun. For some odd reason, it infuriated his hatred toward him even more. He brushed it off momentarily and walked over to John who was turning his pistol over in his hands

“Hey, John?”

“What’s up?” He said nonchalantly as if every ounce of nervousness had disappeared from him. 

“Listen, I just talked to Burr, the doctor isn’t coming.”

John nodded cooly as if it didn’t phase him. 

“He wants to know if you still want to follow through.”

John looked up, “Well, yeah.”

“You’re sure?”

He smiled assuredly, standing up. 

“Lee isn’t going to learn his lesson any other, let’s get it.”

Alex stared at his friend for a moment, surprised at the sudden confidence. It was more like John, that’s true, but he wasn’t sure if this was real or just a front. He nodded his head and they continued with the duel. As John and Charles got ready, they sent in their seconds. 

“Alexander.” 

“Aaron,” Alex replied cooly. He already anticipated what Aaron would say next.

“It isn’t too late to call all this off, it isn’t necessary, you know.”

“Both parties are in agreement, the show must go on, Burr.”

Aaron sighed and rubbed the back of his head. 

“How did I know you would say that? You know what? Whatever let’s just get this over with.”

“It’s go time!” Alex called out, walking off the site. 

Once everything was set up the two took their spots out onto the field. Alex meanwhile stood against a tree with his arms crossed. It was no secret he wasn’t overly religious but for the first time in a long time, he found himself praying. Even then it felt like praying wouldn’t be enough. As watched John take a few deep breaths, face next to unreadable, he wondered what he might be thinking. Was he afraid? Did John ever feel fear? As his mind ran off without him he noticed the two men begin to pace away from each other. Alex counted the steps.

_1…_ Alex held his breath. 

_2…_ thunder rumbled in the distance. 

_3…_ his heart began to race. 

_4…_ he considered turning away.

_5…_ one last prayer.

_6._

A shot fired, reverberating through the entire clearing and shaking Alex to his very core. He stood motionless for a moment, trying to make sense of the situation through the ringing in his ears and the smoke that poured from the gun. When the smoke cleared just enough, he noticed that both men were still standing. _What?_ He held his breath, wondering if both might have missed.

But he was sorely mistaken.

John was staring straight forward. Not looking at Lee, but past him, as if staring into a great expanse of nothingness. Alex followed John's eyes as he looked down slowly, fearfully, to where both of his hands were clasped on the side of his stomach. He turned his head slowly to Alex, meeting his eyes with a look of fear that he couldn't even begin to describe. That was the moment he realized what had happened.

John had been shot.

_"No!"_ A scream exploded from Alex's chest as he bolted toward his friend. Once he got closer he noticed that John's legs, no longer able to support his weight, began to crumble underneath him. He staggered backward, and with a stroke of luck, Alex managed to catch him before he could fall. He wrapped his arms around him, gently easing John to the ground

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you're okay” Alex whispered repeatedly. John whimpered as his body touched the ground, and Alex could've sworn he felt a part of him die.

"A-Alex I.. I," John gasped. Alex reached out, grabbing John's hand. He couldn't help but notice as a stream of blood trickled out the corner of John's mouth.

“Help- help someone please help him!” he screamed, barely managing to get the words out. 

As soon as he said it, a figure appeared next to him, immediately reaching out to put pressure on John’s wound. Alex realized it to be Lafayette. John let out a pained sob as Laf’s hand pressured firmly down on the wound, nearly sending Alex tumbling over the edge. 

“Breathe mon ami, breathe,” he said calmly. 

Alex shifted until he had gathered John in his arms, his legs tucked on either side of him. He gently ran a hand across John’s forehead, trying whatever he could to help. Even so, he had never felt more helpless in his life than that moment, clutching his best friend in his arms trying to convince him and himself that he would be alright. A voice suddenly sounded a ways away, yelling angrily- and between the heat of the moment and the mental haze, Alex wasn’t quite sure who it was.

“Get back! Everyone stand back!” 

Time ticked by slowly, each second longer than the last. John’s eyes had wired shut, and the only sounds escaping him were cracked sobs and labored gasps of air. He was trembling now too, quite violently. Alex clung onto him as if it was the only thing keeping John together. He gently wiped away the tears running down his face.

“It- it hurts,” John whispered, opening his eyes just long enough to meet Alex’s. Alex pulled his friend closer to himself.

“I know, I know it’s alright, it’s alright.”

He squeezed John's hand, trying his best to smile, to let John know that everything would be okay. Despite his best efforts, though, he couldn't stop the tears. John was the toughest person he knew or had ever known, and seeing him the way that he was meant that he in pain unimaginable. Once, not long after they had first met, they decided to go to the bar to hang out. Alex, being Alex, chatted with the bartender, only being torn away by the sound of breaking wood and shattering glass. Apparently, a group of loyalists were trash talking him behind his back and had angered John enough that he punched their main man right in the face. Naturally, they all ganged up on him and ended up beating him pretty badly- even breaking a beer bottle over his head before someone intervened. Alex had never seen someone covered in so much blood and still smile through it. So seeing John now, he couldn't imagine what kind of torturous agony he was going through. He felt a sob rise deep from in his chest, then another, then another. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry John I didn't mean for this- I didn't mean it."

Footsteps sounded from behind them, revealing Hercules who knelt beside them. 

"Kid," he whispered. "Hey, hey look at me." 

John, barely able to open his eyes, somehow found the strength to smile for a short moment. 

"He-hey... Herc," he gasped, doubling over again. 

"Listen, I'm going to have to pick you up, alright? It's going to hurt, I'm sorry," Hercules explained. John nodded curtly.

At first, he didn’t even want to let go. He knew that John needed help and that it was a silly way of thinking, but it was as if holding John in his arms, seeing him breathing and alive right there and then kept him somewhat as peace. Hercules reached down, scooping John up into his arms. Just as he did, however, John cried out.

Which, in turn, finally sent Alex completely over the edge.

He doubled over onto his knees, leaning over with his heads tucked away into his hands, sobbing violently. He heard voices around him still, only making out a few.

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”_

_“Mr. Burr, lead them to the nearest medical tent”_

_“Where was the doctor?”_

_"Is that Alexander?"_

He wanted to scream. Scream loud enough that perhaps the voices might go away. Scream and wake himself up from this horrendous nightmare. His chest ached, and he felt numb like nothing was even real. He felt as a rested on his back, gently rubbing circles. 

“Son? I need you to look at me, alright?”

He slowly raised himself from his position, finally recognizing the voice as Washington's. By the time he tried to reply he realized he was hyperventilating. 

“You need to breathe, take a deep breath and calm down, you’re alright,” he said calmly. 

Alex took a few breaths, a cracked sob finding its way in here and there. He eventually calmed down enough to where he was able to speak again. 

“Is he going to be ok? Oh God, please tell me he’ll be okay.”

“They’re taking him to the nearest medical tent now," George said. "I just need to make sure you’re okay.”

“I-I’m fine,” Alex said, almost unsure if that was the truth. George helped him up.

“Okay, good, now we better get a move on, you’re soaked.”

Alex was confused for a moment until he looked down at his clothing, which was dripping wet from the rain, a few faded bloodstains accompanying the fact that was had just happened was not a dream.

What was even more confusing; he hadn’t even realized it had been raining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO JUST AS I WAS EDITING THIS I GOT THE NOTIFICATION THAT HAMILTON IS GOING TO BE RELEASED IN THEATERS AS A FILM!!! I'M NOT ALRIGHT YOU GUYS! OCTOBER 15th 2021!!! 
> 
> I'm going to be graduated by then, that's insane to think about. It comes out one month before Fantastic Beasts 3 as well, I'm so flipping excited. The Twitter comments are hilarious, so many verified accounts responded to Lin's tweet. 
> 
> On this day, February 3rd, 2020- I found my will to live. Thank you, Lin.


	3. Not Everything Goes As Planned

The last thing John could remember was the pain. That icy, burning white pain that clouded every sense until all he had left was the hurt resonating inside of him. He remembered Alex too, holding him while he drifted in and out of reality, the only thing that felt real. John stared up to the ceiling of the tent. Thankfully the wound has subsided to a less intense, throbbing pain in his side. Opiates were in short supply because of the war, meaning he would have to deal with the pain by himself most of the time. He didn’t remember much of being brought to the tent, fading in and out of consciousness, only scrapping together snippets of conversation that he wasn’t even sure were real. From what he did manage to hear he knew that supplies were low, and they would soon have to move base. So what happened to him after that was still undetermined. He sighed shakily and closed his eyes, wishing he would just back asleep, and not deal with the influx of emotions.

* * *

Alex sat in a chair, staring mindlessly outside the opening of George’s tent. His eyes felt puffy, and his chest and throat sore from crying. He braced himself as the general entered.

“Alexander, how long have you been in here?” He asked, securing the opening. Alex shrugged.

“Not far off a half-hour, sir.”

He sighed, sitting down in a chair across from Alex. For some reason, Alex found it hard to look him in the eye.

“Listen, I’m not here to preach to you, son. I already made myself clear, and the fact you deliberately disobeyed my orders-”

“With all due respect, I didn’t shoot that gun-”

“That doesn’t matter!” 

Alex closed his eyes, willing himself to not scream or burst into tears again. George sighed, lowering his voice again.

“I know how much you care for him, Alexander, and I don't think I need to tell you what you've already found out today.”

Alex looked up, surprised at what George had just said. 

“I know what it’s like,” he continued. “I see my men fall by the dozen every day. Men that I know individually, that I’ve grown to care for. Eventually, I had to learn not to get too attached.”

“Why are you saying all this?”

“This is war, Alexander. Love and war is a tricky thing, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

_ Love? _

Alex stood up instinctively. 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, it- I really don’t…”

“If that bullet would’ve been even a centimeter to either side from where it landed, John would have died. Whether it was a stroke of luck or pure stubbornness that kept him alive, I couldn’t say, but what I am trying to say is that anything can happen out there. So be careful alright? Careful where you place your heart. I can’t imagine what would’ve become of you if anything else had happened.”

Alex slowly sank back down, sighing deeply. 

“I tried so hard to talk him out of it,” he put his head in his hands. “I knew something bad would happen, I just knew it and I didn’t stop it... “

“I know, I know.”

“I’m sorry, sir, This should have never happened. It’s just that Lee-”

“Has been dismissed.”

“What?”

“Upon further inspection of the weapons, it was determined that John’s gun had been sabotaged, stopping it from firing. Lee confessed to it and was dismissed soon after.” George said. “I do hope you’ve learned your lesson.”

“Through and through,” Alex said, clenching his teeth. He should’ve known that rat would do something like that. 

“That brings me to my next point. Supplies, as you know are running low. We’re moving camp within the next few days, depending on what direction this war takes us and John will need to be relocated.”

“Where?”

“We don’t know yet, but we found it fit if he were to stay with you.”

“But why not in a hospital?”

George shook his head, “Our hospitals are unsanitary, and he would be much better off in the care of a friend I’m afraid. If I’m being frank, more soldiers survive wounded on the battlefield than in our care.”

Alex nodded his head. 

“It’s the least I can do for him.”

* * *

_ 3 days following... _

“How are you feeling?”

John, Alex, Laf, and Herc all sat in the medical tent, waiting for word from Washington when John would be sent home. John shrugged from his place on the bed. Truth was, the pain was next to unbearable, but he didn’t want to complain any more than he already had been.

“Fine.” 

“Lee will pay for what he did, I swear by it,” Alex said. “I knew he was scum, but not to this degree.”

“I know what we can do,” Herc pushed an open fist. “We can take that gun and shove it right up his-”

“-Astronomic amount of casualties already in the battles at Georgia,” George said, opening the curtain to the tent.”

“How many, sir?” Laf asked. George shook his head. 

“6,000 all in one day. We need to move base today I’m afraid. I’ve sent for a wagon.”

“Already?” John asked, sitting up. In fact, he sat up a bit too quickly, causing pain to shoot from his side across his torso. He winced, Herc patting his back comfortingly. 

“I’m afraid so. Can you walk?”

“Do I have to?” He chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. The humor faded though as his gaze shifted to Alex, who sat quietly in the corner.

He sighed, and slowly swung his legs off the side of the bed, trying his best not to cringe from the needle-like pains dancing along his side and stomach. Laf and Herc both stood up, more than likely waiting for John to fall over. He slowly shifted his weight to one foot, then another until he was completely upright. Once he went to take a step, however, his footing failed and sent him tumbling toward Alex. Alex had somehow managed to stand up just in time to catch him, with the exception right around the wound. 

John, without meaning to, cried out from the sudden pressure. Alex quickly set him upright and backed away. When John saw his face, all he could relate it to was that of a puppy that had just been kicked.

“Uh, that’s good enough, right?”

“C’mere,” Herc said, walking up behind John. He sighed, grudgingly letting Herc pick him up bridal style. He covered his face.

“That will work, I guess,” George said. 

As the group went outside, John had to cover his eyes from the sunlight. He hadn’t even realized he hadn’t seen the sun in days. Herc sat John down gently in front of the wagon, Alex beside him. 

“You guys aren’t coming?” Alex asked. 

“Afraid not, we’ll catch the next ride in though,” Herc said. 

“Take care of him, mon ami,” Laf said jokingly to John. John chuckled. 

“Yeah.”

* * *

The ride back to where Alex lived was quiet at first. John stealing glances at Alex from time to time, and Alex returning those glances every time the carriage hit a bump or pothole. He didn’t like it when Alex didn’t say much, it was like a bad omen almost. So, he tried to make conversation.

“So… what did Washington say? I heard he talked to you afterward.”

“Nothing important. A little bit of a lecture, some advice and something after that I don’t remember.”

John nodded his lead. 

“You know, I’m kind of mad.”

“Why?” Alex asked. John laughed.

“I’ll never know if I had good aim or not.”

Alex smiled, much to John’s relief. 

“No rematches.”

“Awwww.”

The two chuckled, and for the rest of the way they chatted. Though there was still an elephant in the room, it was better than nothing, in John’s opinion. Eventually, the conversation segued into a topic John had all but forgot about.

“I should’ve let that time at the bar be the last you defend my honor,”

John raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“Remember? Right after we first met we went to that part on the east side of town and you got your ass royally kicked by five guys in button-ups?”

“Well when you say it like that, how could I forget?” John laughed.

Alex smiled, leaning back with his eyes closed.

“I think I, for once, am actually tired.”

John yawned instinctively. 

“Yeah, me too. We still have a while yet, don’t we?”

“Mhm.”

John chuckled, closing his eyes. He remembered that day fairly well but had never really thought about it since it happened. As he tried to will himself to sleep, the day played out in his memory. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the flashback ended up being a lot longer than expected, so I split it into two chapters lol.


	4. Fight With Valor

_ August 23d, 1777; one year prior... _

_ “Alex, you’ve been cooped up inside for how long now?” _

_ “Not that long!” _

_ John crossed his arms, leaning on the doorframe. He had visited Alex after the guy went MIA for six days, nobody hearing a word from him. _

_ “Dude, it’s been six days. I thought you kicked the bucket.” _

_ Alex groaned, running a hand through his hair. _

_ “I might as well have, I’ve been writing this entire time.” _

_ John’s jaw dropped. _

_ “You’re kidding?” _

_ “I wish I was.” _

_ After some conversation (John lecturing Alex on self-care and how to make everyone not worried about his life) he decided to invite Alex out for a few drinks. To his surprise, Alex agreed to it, and they headed out to a bar just east of town- one of which Alex had never heard of. It was dusk by the time they had arrived. _

_ “What is this place called again?” Alex asked.  _

_ “Northwoods, typically a favorite loyalist place-” _

_ “Hey, wait-” _

_ “-It’s fine, man, I know the bartenders and the beer is cheap. It’ll be fine, just don’t do or say anything to upset anyone and you’re golden,” John assured him. Alex sighed and shook his head.  _

_ “Whatever you say. Hey, maybe we can finally find you a honey,” he teased, poking John with his elbow. John furrowed his brows. _

_ “But Alex they don’t let women-” _

_ “Hey is that it?” Alex asked, pointing to the part just down the street from them. John nodded.  _

_ Once they got inside and ordered a few drinks, Alex seemed to warm up to the place. He made conversation with the bartender and a few people around him. John had to admit, he was impressed at how he hadn’t said anything compromising. Alex was a smooth talker though, that’s for sure. He could make friends with anyone if he wanted to. He could also make enemies with anyone he wanted to.  _

_ “That’s a new one,” the bartender, and a good friend of John’s, Richard came up to the edge of the bar, wiping down a glass. “They’re letting anyone in here, I see.” _

_ “Hey now, that one’s with me,” John laughed.  _

_ “The usual?” Richard asked, chuckling. John nodded. _

_ “Might as well make it two.” _

_ “Not a problem, I’ll get those right out.” _

_ “Thanks- hey, is that a girl bartender over there?” John gestured to a bartender at the end of the barm chatting with a group of men. Richard nodded. _

_ “That’s Alice. Her husband is a regular tender here, caught a cold and we were short-handed so I’m letting her fill in for the night. Nice girl, pretty good at it too.” _

_ John nodded, impressed. Right on cue, Alex wandered back over.  _

_ “Ay, Alex- I just ordered-” _

_ “Hey, I’m going to talk to the bartender over there,” Alex said suddenly, pointing behind him at Alice. “You don’t mind, do you?” _

_ “Hm? Oh- uh, no that’s fine,” John said, feeling an odd rush of disappointment.  _

_ Alex grinned, patting him on the shoulder and winking. “Thanks, I owe you one.” _

_ John watched as he trolled over to Alice, and sighed.  _

_ “You said two drinks, John? _

_ “Um… yeah.” _

_ Richard tilted his head, seemingly confused until a look of realization dawned. _

_ “I see what’s going on…” _

_ John’s brows knitted. “You do?” _

_ “Oh yeah, see it all the time. You got stood up, didn’t ya?” _

_ John had to physically stop himself from bursting out laughing, “Uh- yeah sure. Yep, that’s it.” _

_ Richard nodded his head. “I see it all the time. Don’t worry, man, that gal is missing out!” _

_ While Richard rambled about something or another, John couldn’t help but watch as Alex shot the breeze with Alice. So effortlessly, it was almost a miracle how well he could talk to the people he's interested in. Alice giggled, putting a hand over her mouth while Alex kissed her hand. John looked away just as Richard set down two pints.  _

_ “Second one’s on the house,” he said. “I may be a bartender, but I’m also a therapist. Drunk dudes talk about anything.” _

_ “Thanks,” John chuckled.  _

_ While John downed the first beer, a group of about five burly men wandered in. At first, he didn’t pay much attention, that is, until he picked up on some of their conversations.  _

_ “Can’t even come to this joint anymore,” the largest one said. “Overrun by those stupid revolution-crazy cunts.” _

_ Now John was used to being bashed for his ideas, as many people were against it, but what they said next struck a wrong chord in him.  _

_ “Like that bloke over there, for instance, Hamilton, talk about lame-brain, a fast-talking kid with absolutely no idea what he’s doing. If he so much as looks at me, I’m beating his brains in. He writes a few letters and thinks he's a hotshot, it's ludicrous!” _

_ John finished the rest of the second pint, debating on standing up and walking over. His blood began to boil more with every word that came out of the man’s mouth. He had considered to not take any action, that is until he said,  _

_ “He’s a nobody.” _

_ John stood. The men facing toward him at the table eyed him suspiciously as he next to stumbled over. He tapped on the man’s shoulder, and just as he turned around he reared back, punching him square in the face. _

_ That’s when all hell broke loose.  _

_ The other four stood up while the main guy recovered. Blood was already gushing from his nose.  _

_ “Oh really? You messed with the wrong guy, squirt.” _

_ “Did I? Sounds like you’re all bark and no bite to me,” John shot back, spitting up in his face. _

_ Usually, when he picked fights, Lef and Herc were there to back him up. This time it was just him. Before he had a chance to react the man grabbed him by the collar, throwing him into a nearby table which collapsed underneath him. Pain shot up through his back, and splinters of wood dug into his skin. As he went to gather himself off the floor, another guy grabbed him by the arm and shoved him into a nearby wall- pinning him. _

_ “Not so tough now, are you? Spit again, I dare you.” _

_ So, naturally, he spat again. One thing led to another and he had all five guys beating him at once. Just as he began to crawl away, he spotted Alex running at him.  _

_ Then someone hit him in the head with a glass bottle. _

_ He sprawled out across the floor, hearing the sounds of shattered glass rain down around him. It didn’t take long for blood to come pouring down from his head. Dazed and voices muffled, two arms picked him up, dragging him up and out of the bar. They leaned him against the side of the building. _

_ “John? John! Look at me,” Alex knelt down, lifting his head by his chin.  _

_ “Hey, Alex,” John coughed. “Long time no see.” _

_ “Oh god, John what have you done?” Alex pulled a rag out from his pocket, trying his best to wipe the buckets of blood away.  _

_ “Lex- Lex it’s fine. I’m fine, see?” He said, smiling. Alex wasn’t having it, though. _

_ “No, you’re not, you’re bleeding! Why did you do that anyway?”  _

_ John shrugged. _

_ “John, I know you, you don’t start fights without reason.” _

_ “They were bashing you, alright?” John confessed. “I wasn’t going to just sit there and take it, someone had to put them in their place.” _

_ Alex raised his eyebrows, so John added, _

_ “Well, try, anyway.” _

_ “Jesus Christ, John, they could’ve killed you!” _

_ “Nah,” John laughed. “If I’ve made it this far, then nothing could kill me.” _

_ Alex sighed, leaning back. He smiled. _

_ “Well, thank you. Just, don’t do that again, okay?” _

_ John chuckled. _

_ “I won’t make any promises.” _

  
  



	5. Your Friends, Your Allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm losing my mind over all this angst, I have issues. But worry not, we are going to see well-needed content next chapter. Also, I listened to the off-broadway version of Hurricane for the first time in a while and cried during school. (If you don't know, Hamilton mentions Laurens and we even hear him sing). 
> 
> Also, I honestly think I've shrunk because all my friends suddenly got taller than me and now I'm angry. I think I get why short people are always fuming.

The first night at Alex’s house, John had hardly slept. The only way Alex knew, however, was because he hadn’t either. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him but he felt a sense of guilt knowing how long John was awake. The first night he outright refused to sleep on the bed, no matter how aggressively Alex persisted. The second night, though, he was determined

“Alex, I’m not going to take your bed, it’s fine.”

“You need rest, generals orders,” he shot back. John sighed.

“I just….” he trailed off. 

“You just what?”

John shrugged, looking defeated. Alex frowned.

“John after all you’ve done for me, please, I’m begging you, let me repay the favor.”

There were a few moments of silence, the only thing Alex hearing was his shallow breathing waiting for some kind of response from John. John sighed and rubbed the back of his head.

“I slept fine on the couch, really.”

“Bull. You didn’t get an ounce of sleep, I can tell.”

It was true. John’s eyes were bloodshot, accompanied by dark circles. He looked like he hadn’t sleep in years.

“I just don’t want to inconvenience you,” he admitted finally. Alex felt a pang in his chest.  _ God, he sounds so broken. _

“With all due respect, I didn’t get shot four days ago,” Alex smiled. 

“But what about you? Where will you sleep?”

“I usually clunk out at my desk,” Alex replied truthfully. “I don’t need tons of sleep.”

  
  


He showed John where the bed was, which, conveniently enough, was also the office in which Alex worked. When John sat down on the bed, a look of surprise overcame him.

“Yo- this is soft! How come you never sleep in it?” He sprawled out on his back. Alex laughed.

“If I’m being honest? I fall asleep before I can make it.”

John chuckled, sitting up slowly, but not slow enough. He winced, quickly placing a hand to his side. He must’ve noticed Alex staring, as he looked down quickly. 

“Sorry,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Still a bit fresh I guess.”

“I have some medicine in the cabinet if you want some?” Alex suggested. John looked hesitant. 

“I don’t feel pain anymore, you get used to it after being rejected by Washington so many times” he added, which got a smile from John.

“Thanks.”

As Alex went to grab the medicine from the other room, he heard a loud gasp accompanied by a:

“Oh my God- A TURTLE!”

When he came back into the room, he saw John gawking at a figurine seated placidly on Alex’s bookshelf, holding back a row of books. He laughed.

“Oh, I forget I even had that,” he sat on the edge of the bed next to John. 

It was a glass turtle, stained blue about the size of someone’s palm. Nothing special by any means, but considering the look of pure awe on John’s face he would beg to differ. John picked up carefully. 

“Where did you get this?” He asked. He lifted it and down a few times. “It’s heavy; glass?”

“I don’t remember actually,” John handed it to Alex, who turned it over in his hands thoughtfully. He had it since forever, even when he was in the Caribbean. “It might’ve been from my mom, but I feel like I’d remember that- so chances are I stole it. You like turtles I take it?”

John went red in the face.

“I mean- they’re- they’re okay I guess.”

Alex laughed and handed it back to John.

“Hey, I’m not here to judge. I’m quite fond of sloths, myself.”

John furrowed his brows. “Sloths? Why?”

“They’re slow, placid, don’t have much going on. I envy them sometimes, it must be nice.”

John burst out laughing, making Alex laugh as well until they both had completely lost themselves within a fit of giggles. A loud series of knocks suddenly interrupted.

“Well that’s odd,” Alex said, still chuckling. “It’s pretty late.”

When he opened the door, he was greeted by none other than Hercules and Lafayette, whom he greeted inside.

“Mon Dieu! It’s freezing!” Lafayette exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. Herc followed suit, with a more profane ‘cold as shit’. 

“You guys made it back fast, they move already?” Alex asked, sitting back down. 

“Had intel of a possible ambush,” Herc said, hanging up his coat. “We scrammed.”

The four chatted for a while before Alex noticed John being unusually quiet. He had his legs tucked underneath him and seemed more interested in a loose thread on the sheets than the conversation. He decided not to say anything. 

“So erm- I thought we should ask,” Laf said. “We may have miscalculated where we would stay, both of our homes are on the other side of town…”

“He’s trying to ask if we can crash,” Herc said, laughing. “If that’s cool with you.”

“Oh yeah, that’s alright with me. You might end up on the floor,” Alex said. 

“I’ve slept on the floor many times before,” Laf said smiling. His smile faded as he turned to John. “John, mon ami, you don’t mind, do you? You seem quiet.”

John looked up, seemingly surprised. 

“Oh, no- no that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“You sure you good, man?” Herc asked concernedly. “You don’t seem yourself.”

“M’fine,” John looked back down.

The three shared glances before deciding to leave it be. They knew he obviously wasn’t fine- but nobody wanted to press harder than necessary. It was as if they tiptoed around him the remainder of the night. Alex stole glances from time to time, hoping maybe the next time he looked John would be smiling. 

But he never did.

* * *

John sat in the bay window of the living room. It was late, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to even try sleeping. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, either- it was more that he just  _ couldn’t.  _ Alex, Laf and Herc had all went to sleep in various places, Alex on the couch, Laf, and Herc on the floor of the bedroom. It was a task not stepping on them when he snuck out of the room, but he managed. For a while, he wondered if Alex had heard him. When he heard footsteps around the corner, however, his question was answered.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Alex whispered, leaning on the doorframe. 

“I could ask you the same.”

Alex sighed lightly and sat down. John shifted his gaze back out the window. 

“John, is everything okay?” Alex said. For some reason, a lump formed in John’s throat upon hearing the words. Whether it was the softness, the concern in Alex’s voice or the pure relief someone  _ asked,  _ he wasn’t sure. No matter, he knew anything he tried saying would result in waterworks. So he said nothing.

“...John?” Alex leaned his head to where John’s gaze was out the window. He sighed shakily. 

“God, I don’t,” his voice broke as he spoke, accompanied by a sob which he quickly muffled with his hand. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Alex. I feel stupid, I guess? Pathetic?” 

He leaned his head back against the wall, trying everything to avoid Alex’s gaze. 

“I spent my entire life being called weak, fragile, and just when I think I proved them wrong, I…” He shook his head, then placed it in his hands. He heard Alex exhale, then felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“You are not weak, you’re human, John, just like the rest of us. Do _ not  _ be ashamed of yourself. We care about you a lot, _ I _ care about you a lot. It hurts to see you like this.” 

John looked up, Alex was looking at him firmly, a smile on his face. He wiped a stray tear running down his cheek. 

“It just feels weird, you know? Having people ask how you are, how you feel. I don’t know what to say half the time and I already feel like an idiot…” he laughed humourlessly. “Being waited on all the time, people wasting time to look after me.”

“Does it occur to you that people genuinely care, John? And if you don’t know what to say, say the truth.” 

“Why would…” John trailed off, noticing the hurt look that came across Alex’s face. He shook his head and went to stand up.

“Sorry- I should just-” 

He stopped as Alex caught him by the wrist, holding it firmly. He closed his eyes. 

“No, John, nothing is going unsaid tonight.”

“We agree,” Laf said from the doorway. Herc stood next to him. “We care, even if we and Hercules are terrible at showing it. You spent your time taking care of us for years, now let us take care of you, yes?”

John hadn’t even realized tears were rolling down his face as Laf finished. He quickly wiped them away, knowing full well it was too late. Alex released his grip.

“Alright, that’s it-” Herc said marching up to John. “Hug time.”

“No, no, that’s okay-”

He was cut off by Herc carefully wrapping his arms around John. Then another pair of arms, and then another. He closed his eyes, giving in. 

“You know we love you, short stuff,” Herc said. 

“And we aren’t letting go until you say it back,” Alex added. John smiled.

“I love you guys too.”

  
  



	6. Everything Will Happen For a Reason

The next morning nothing more was said about the night prior. Lafayette and Hercules had left early that following morning, not without a chuckle from Laf and saying. 

“Don’t you two get in too much trouble.” Alex had rolled his eyes and smiled. 

“No promises can be made.”

After the two had left, Alex and John were once again left to their own devices. The tension from last night had seemed to slowly dissolve the longer they were together, but was instead replaced by overwhelming boredom of equal debilitation. John sat criss-cross on the bed, reading a book while Alex worked on a piece of writing. Now and again John would exclaim something related to the book, such as:

“Good! I’m glad your stupid ship crashed,  _ slave driver. _ ” And

“Footprints? FOOTPRINTS? Dude, get out of there!”

Alex laughed, quite enjoying the commentary. 

“Enjoying it I see.” 

“I don’t know if I like it or hate it,” John laughed, closing the book and setting it down next to him. “I’m not an avid reader.”

“Can’t say I am either. I used to only read, I think I read that book when I was about ten. Eventually, it shifted to writing.”

John’s mouth fell open, he looked at the book, then back to Alex. 

You read Robinson Crusoe when you were  _ ten _ ?”

“Uh.. yes?” Alex frowned.  _ Was that out of the ordinary?  _ He wondered.

“When I was ten I ate bugs, not read literature,” John chuckled. “I was a terrible reader, granted.”

Alex half the time didn’t realize when his skills had been more developed than normal. Even then, it seemed normal at the time to be reading those sorts of books or writing papers. Then again, he had nobody to compare himself again beside himself. Sure, he could be a bragger, but sometimes it truly was just a misunderstanding of what was actually normal. He smiled, trying to divert the conversation from himself. The last person he’d want to brag around is John. 

“Say,” he said, a sudden thought occurring to him. “How would you feel about getting out? Maybe going to the bar or something?”

John blinked. “I don’t know where you’ve been, but since when has that ever been a good idea?”

“Well I mean, we met at a bar. So…” 

John rolled his eyes. 

“If you feel up to it,” Alex added quickly. “I don’t know how you feel physical-wise, but be honest please-”

“No, no I feel fine,” John said. Alex eyed him, which he seemed to pick up and added a quick,

“Really.”

“How about your bandages? Have you been changing them?”

John diverted his gaze, setting his lips in a hard line. Alex shook his head.

“John, you know you have to do that, what if you get an infection? That’s more deadly than the wound itself! You know what? Nope- let me see.”

“No, no way.”

“John I will literally fight you.”

John sprung up off the bed, moving toward the door. 

“You’ll fight anybody.” John retorted. 

Alex stood up, carefully moving toward John as if we were a frightened animal. In one motion, John sprinted out of the room, Alex trailing behind in hot pursuit. 

“Get back here!” 

Alex had chased him throughout the house for about a minute before finally managing to corner him behind the sofa. The two faced each other, breathing heavily. If it were any other time, Alex would just tackle John to the ground, but in this case, he couldn’t risk injuring him any more than he was. 

“Well?” John asked, holding up his arms. “If you’re gonna fight me...”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Then it’s decided.”

Alex nodded his head, knowing full well what he would do instead. 

“Truce.”

John smiled placidly, walking out. Just as he turned his back, Alex sprung into action. He ran up, grabbing both of John’s arms. 

“Hey!” John grunted, fighting against the pin. “You said truce!” Alex snickered.

“We never shook on it.” He folded pulled John’s hands tight together, leaving John completely immobile.

“This is for your own good-”

While keeping one hand on John’s, he used the other and pulled up the front of John’s shirt.

“Hey-!”

His breath caught in his throat, the gauze placed directly on the wound was caked in blood, and even the wrap around his torso harbored specks. Around it was covered in patches of blue, purple and even green bruises all across the area on his stomach. Thankfully, though, there was no sign of infection. He felt John slack slightly in his grip. Alex hadn’t even realized he had not seen the wound until now. 

“Alright, there’s no infection,” said finally, letting go. John stumbled forward, rubbing his forearm. 

“Good talk, then.”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be changing those though,” Alex pointed out. “No matter how bad it hurts, an infection will be much worse.”

John crossed his arms., looking down

“How about a bargain?” Alex offered. “If you let me change them, or you- however, I’ll buy you all the drinks you want.”

“I don’t know…”

“It’s going to happen deal or no deal, so it’s smarter if you take up this offer.”

John threw his head back, groaning. Alex smirked, knowing very well he had just won. 

“You’re lucky I like beer.”

* * *

“The more you move, the longer this is going to take.”

“It huuuurts.”

“If you wouldn’t have waited this long…”

“Shut up.”

Alex slowly removed the top layer of bandages, trying his best to be careful. They both sat on the bed, John lying on his back and Alex next to him. Every time he went to remove another bandage, John flinched. 

“Try and look away,” Alex suggested. “Or put a pillow over your face, I don’t know.”

“Sorry, sorry.” 

John covered his face with his hands while he finished removing the rest of the bandages. Once he removed the last one, he wanted to burst into tears. The wound still looked relatively fresh, and most definitely painful. 

“It has to be cleaned,” Alex said regretfully, scooching off the bed. “I’ll be back.”

“Wait, Alex,” John said. “Let me do it, or at least try.”

“Are you sure?”

“Less work for you, right?” He smiled. 

Alex grabbed everything he would need, including water, alcohol, and rags; then waited in the living room to give John his privacy. After a few minutes, the door opened and a very disgruntled John appeared. 

“Well?” Alex said, putting down the book he had been reading. John rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

“Well, I tried.”

“Do you...?”

“Yeeaahh.”

Alex laughed, putting the book away. He honestly didn’t mind helping John one bit, but he could tell John felt awkward. He followed John in, John plopping down on the bed with exasperation. 

“Do you want something to bite down on?” Alex asked as he unscrewed the bottle cap.

“No, it’s okay,” John said. “I’ve had worse.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“Alright,” Alex said. “I’ll pour on three, okay?”

John nodded, putting a hand on his mouth. He closed his eyes and braced as Alex said,

“Three… two… one,”

John’s stiffened, one hand clamped to his mouth, the other grabbing the bedsheets accompanied by a muted whimper. 

“There, it’s over. Just let me clean up some of this dried blood and we’re done.”

“I like alcohol a lot better when I’m drinking it,” John laughed, still looking pained. Alex chuckled a bit as he began to dab around the wound. 

“I hope nobody is spying on us.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, considering we both went into the bedroom, shut the door and said all this- taken out of context could sound much different.”

John laughed, looking up at the ceiling. 

“That would be our luck.”

Once the wound was cleaned, Alex put on the fresh bandages and John was finally able to put his shirt back on. 

“Okay, ground rules for tonight,” John said, throwing on his coat. “No fighting anyone because I know you like that.”

“Okay first of all-”

“No getting so drunk you can’t walk because I can and will not carry you home- again.”

“That was one time!”

“One time too many, Alex.”

“Fine,” Alex crossed his arms. “And no challenging people to duels.”

John opened the door. “Would never dream of it.”

* * *

“Alex, you have literally had two drinks already, how many are planning on drinking?” John asked incredulously as Alex slammed another pint. 

John had one, and it hardly fazed him but he knew Alex was relatively light-weight when it came to drinking. Well, at least he thought he was. 

“What? I’m thirsty!”

“I’m going to kill you if you get drunk.”

Alex hiccuped suddenly, then said with dazed eyes, “too late”.

John groaned, hitting his head on the bar top. _ Of course he was.  _ The bar had a good amount of people in there, nothing too rowdy, just an overall calm crowd. He invited Herc and Laf, who said they’d be there within the hour- so they were just waiting on them for the time being. 

“Want anything else?” Alex asked. “I’m ordering shots.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

“Okay, suit yourself,” Alex laughed. John rolled his eyes and chuckled. 

Another half-hour went by without a sign of Herc or Laf, so John chatted with various people while Alex drank like his life depended on it. When he turned back around to check on him, he found Alex staring at him with an odd expression on his face.

“Alex? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“You have such nice eyes, you know that?” He said, putting his chin into his hand. John’s eyes widened.

“Sorry, what?”

“Your eyes,” he repeated. “They’re fantastic.”

“Oh my god you’re so wasted,” John laughed, realizing it was the alcohol.

Alex however, maintained the intense eye contact. 

“Do you ever wear your hair down?” He said suddenly, a smirk spread across his face. 

“Uh, no.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know? Alex how many drinks have you-?”

“The party has arrived!”

John was cut off by Herc and Laf joining the two. John sighed with relief. 

“About time you guys showed up,” he said. The two laughed until Alex chimed in with,

“What do you guys think about John wearing hair down? I think he should.”

The two men furrowed their brows at Alex, then turned their attention to a very uncomfortable John.

“Care to explain?”

“I looked away for one second and he was wasted. Now he’s talking all weird.”

Herc and Laf burst out laughing. 

“Oh, this will be good,” Laf said. Hold on, mon ami, I’m going to get a few. Herc?”

“Good luck, man,” Herc chuckled, nudging John with his elbow. He stared at him, mouth agape.

“You cannot be serious.”

But, with his luck, they were. And suddenly John was, once again, alone with Alex. Alex took another swig of his drink, to which John immediately took out of his hands. He looked, looking incredibly offended.

“John! Someone took my drink!”

“Really? Gee, that’s a pity.”

Alex sighed exasperatedly. 

“Do you want to know something?”

John stared for a moment, taken aback at how suddenly sober Alex sounded. 

“What?”

He smiled and rested his chin back on his hand. “I hope you know I’m madly in love with you.”

John’s ears went red, not even so from the comment but the fact Alex sounded serious. He didn’t know if he was legitimate or not. 

“No, Alex,” John whispered. “You’re not, you are drunk.”

Alex snickered. 

“Who says I can’t be both?”

“Wait- what?” John stuttered, now completely at a loss for words. 

Suddenly Alex moved in closer to John, the barstool underneath him loudly squeaking until he stopped just inches away from John’s face. He leaned forward resting a hand on top of John’s thigh to steady himself. John held his breath, not only from the physical touch but the close proximity of Alex to him. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m counting your freckles,” Alex said. “You have so many.”

John sighed, relieved. Alex now sounded and acted drunk again, which was nearly unnerving. When Laf and Herc came back, Alex was on his thirty-eighth freckle.

“I seriously don’t get it,” John said over Alex’s counting. “He’s never done this before.”

“Strange, but entertaining nonetheless,” Lef said, taking a drink. John frowned. 

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Just take it, man, he ain’t gonna remember anyway.”

“Yeah but just a few minutes ago he-”

John was cut off by Alex reaching out with both hands, cupping his cheeks. Laf and Herc roared with laughter. 

“Alex quit it,” he said. Alex didn’t respond, and instead just narrowed his eyes in concentration. He then said,

“Don’t move, I lost count at sixty and now I have to restart.”

“Alex, tell us more about John,” Herc said, still laughing. John shot him a glare, but Alex perked up immediately.

“He’s my boyfriend-!”

“SHHHH! I am not!” John whisper-yelled, covering Alex’s mouth.

“Oh my god,” Laf rubbed his face. “This is too good!”

“I think we need to go,” John said, still keeping a secure grip over Alex’s mouth. “Before someone hears all this.”

“Oh shoot, right, we're in public,” Herc said, still chuckling.

John looked at Alex again, who was staring wide-eyed. John frowned. 

“I’ll let go if you promise not to say another word until we get outside, okay?”

Alex nodded intently, so John pulled his hand back.

“Alright, let’s go.”

He dragged the stumbling Alex outside, while Hercules and Lafayette trailed behind, giggling. Once they got outside, Alex wasted no time saying

“Aw, my shots were still in there, I didn’t wanna throw those away…”

“Can he even walk?” Herc asked, turning to John. John shrugged, trying to ignore the fact Alex was crying over his fallen alcohol.

“Don’t worry, we will carry him along.”

As they walked back, Herc led Alex along while John walked on the right. For a while, he seemed fairly quiet, aside from a sniffle here and there. That is until he started drunk rambling. 

“I mean it’s not even like I meant to yell at him, yanno? Like, I have issues with my dad and I was just so upset already and I feel _bad_ but I can’t do anything now-”

“Hey, can I stay at one of your places by chance?” John grumbled. The two laughed. Once they made it back they dropped the two off and said their goodnights, though Laf and Herc would be heading right back to the bar.

“Send him off to bed, and he’ll be right as rain by morning,” Laf said. “He’s still very out of it.”

“Write down what he says too, will ya?”

There was a crash from within the house, then a distant yell. John sighed. 

“If he doesn’t kill me or himself first.”

When they left, John was faced with the task of getting Alex to bed as quickly as possible. He managed to basically throw him into his bed, and it worked out well for the most part until he said,

“Johnnn wait.”

“What is it?”

“C’ mere, I need to tell you something.”

John, who was too tired to question it, walked up to the bed. Alex motioned for him to lean down.

“It’s a secret.” 

When John leaned down, however, Alex placed a chaste kiss on John’s cheek. His eyes went wide in shock as he backed up slowly, Alex looking quite proud of himself. He walked out of the room- well- stumbled out of the room would be more accurate. He slowly put a hand up to his cheek that Alex had kissed, and for a moment it felt like a dream. Was he dreaming? Was this a nightmare? Or did he drink so much he passed out and this is a coma? Either way, he was shocked, and for the rest of that night, that was all he could think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was considering making this two parts, but there's still much to touch upon so this is just going to be longer. Also, I am really not sure if ten is a young age to read Robinson Crusoe,
> 
> Because I kind of read it when I was ten? Like I'd assume that's a young age? For anyone curious, this would be about 5th grade (or year five)


	7. The Truth Always Comes Out

John peered at himself in the mirror, narrowing his eyes at the ball of fluff he was dealing with. In a late-night fit of boredom and curiosity, he attempted to put his hair down whilst making it look somewhat acceptable; but it seemed no matter what he tried it became more unruly. He eventually wet it down and called it quits. 

“Morning,” Alex appeared in the doorway of the living room, yawning. John nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“How long have you been standing there?” He chuckled, putting a hand to his chest. Alex looked at him blankly for a second, then said

“Have you done something differently?”

“What?”

“There’s something different about you…” He narrowed his eyes before lighting up and exclaiming

“Aha! Your hair is down!”

“Oh,” John chuckled nervously. “Yeah, that.”

Alex rubbed his eyes tiredly, another yawn escaping him. 

“I’m not going to lie, John-”

John’s heart stopped momentarily.

“-I don’t remember a gosh dang thing from last night. I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?”

John stared at Alex for a second. Did he not remember? Should he lie? Or come clean? In a split-second decision, he said, “Nope.”

Alex nodded his head placidly, walking into the living room, “that’s good.” He stopped, glancing at John’s hair. 

“You know, it doesn’t look that bad. You should wear it like that more often.”

“Oh- um, thanks.”

While Alex walked into the kitchen, John harnessed whatever power in him to keep from screaming right there and then. The rest of the morning went by without any mention of last night, and for a while, it seemed like it hadn’t even happened. That is until Alex asked over breakfast,

“So, what all did happen last night?” 

John frowned, trying to come up with his best excuse of a lie. 

“Not sure, I was pretty out of it too.”

Alex nodded, seemingly complacent with the answer. John exhaled with relief, shoveling a spoonful of porridge into his mouth. He hadn’t even realized how hungry he was until now. While they ate, an assortment of letters came through the door, which for some reason scared the two more than it should’ve as they both jumped.

“I’ll get it,” John laughed. Alex rubbed his face, chuckling. 

He fetched the letters, setting them down on the table. As he did, one caught his attention. Alex had already picked it up by the time he realized it was addressed to

“ _ John Laurens _ ? Did you change addresses or something?” Alex laughed. 

“Who is it from?”

Alex blinked, handing him the letter.

“Henry Laurens.”

John nearly choked on his food at the words. He read over the envelope again in disbelief, but sure enough, it was from his father. A pit formed at the bottom of his stomach.

“No way,” he said, opening the envelope. “How could he have known I was here?”

“Is it addressed here? Or was it redirected?”

“Nope, your address.” He pulled the letter out, staring at the paper in his hands for a moment. 

“Would you like me to read it?” Alex suggested. John nodded and handed him the paper. 

“Son, I do hope that this letter finds you in good health,” Alex began. “As you know, and have expressed many times before the displeasure between kin has reached a point of which it proves heavy on my heart. After an influx of time separating you and I’s correspondence, I attempted contact through General Washington-”

“Oh, Jesus,” John exclaimed, putting his head in his hands. Alex continued.

“Of which I was kindly informed of your relocation prior to a movement of camp to the Hamilton residence. It then occurred to me that what must be said cannot be done so by the quill.”

Alex stopped, reading the last part to himself quietly. He narrowed his eyes, seemingly reading it a couple of times over, which raised John’s concern. 

“I understand the delay of this letter’s arrival, and I only wish to inform you I will be arriving to visit on the tenth of September. I deeply regret any short notice, but on the subject of familial ties, I deem it necessary. Sending my love, Henry Laurens.”

“Oh my god,” Was all John could manage after Alex had finished. Alex leaned back in seeming disbelief. “Alex, what day is it today?”

“September ninth,” Alex said. 

“God, why? Why now out of all the days?” John whispered, putting his hands over his face. 

“So did Washington not tell him about the duel?”

“He didn’t say anything about it, so I guess not? But what does it matter? He’ll find out one way or another.” 

“Unless…” Alex said. John looked up.

“Unless what?”

Alex put a hand over his mouth in thought. 

“We just, don’t say anything.”

John rolled his eyes, “do you honestly think we can keep a  _ bullet wound _ a secret from my father?” Alex shrugged. 

“At least until the war blows over and you’re on better terms?”

John frowned. He had to admit, the idea seemed somewhat out there but not completely impossible. And he did have a point, to just keep it a secret for now, then let it be told some other time was tempting. He nodded his head. 

“It’s worth a shot.”

Alex grinned, folding the letter back into its envelope. Once the two finished eating, Alex went back to work at his desk while John picked up around the house. He spent most of the afternoon trying whatever possible to distract himself, not think about Alex, not think about the flirting and the touching and that  _ kiss- _

Which obviously didn’t work. 

He had become so absorbed in his thoughts, he had forgotten Alex was there. So when Alex had asked him a question, and he became so scared he dropped a bowl he was carrying, there wasn’t much that could be said in his defense. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry- sorry,” He said, quickly crouching to pick up the pieces of bowl skewed across the hardwood. 

“Don’t worry about it, are you alright?” Alex asked, seeming genuinely concerned. “You seem jumpy today. And here- let me help you,”

Alex knelt next to John, who had become suddenly and increasingly flustered by his actions. His hands shook rapidly, so much that he could barely pick anything and his breathing was becoming somewhat jagged. Alex stopped for a moment, looking at him. 

“John?”

John wanted to respond, he really did, but it felt as if some invisible force pushed down on his chest and lungs.

_ What’s happening to me?  _

“Hey, hey- breathe, breathe,” Alex said, putting a hand on his back. “What’s going on? And oh Jesus, your hands are bleeding-”

John looked down, surprised to see blood dripping down from his fingertips. How had he not felt that? He put a hand down on the floor behind him, suddenly tumbling backward from his crouched position. Alex, meanwhile, kept a hand on him as he swayed. The room was beginning to spin ever so slightly.

“I don’t- I don't know what's happening,” he choked out. 

“You need to lye down, come on-”

Alex put a hand on John’s chest, gently easing him into a lying position on the floor. His vision kept moving, however, making him feel increasingly sick to his stomach. He wired his eyes shut, wishing that everything would stop- that he could just pass out. Sadly, though, he was left to suffer through it. He was on the floor for a long while before the feelings began to fade, Alex staying by his side, trying whatever at all possible to calm him down from his erratic breathing. 

“John, how long were you standing?” Alex asked, gently stroking a hand across John’s forehead. 

“An hour? Ma- maybe?”

“Well, that’s why, your blood pressure is still all wonky from losing all that blood, and standing up didn’t help I bet.”

The more John thought about it, the more he realized that was likely what it was. The time he had been standing he hadn’t felt completely well, but brushed it off as nothing major since it came and went. When he crouched down it had likely thrown it off more. After a while, the impending feeling of death went away, and John was finally able to sit up again. Alex sat him up against the wall while he grabbed some fruit to help with any dehydration and some bandages for his hands. When he came back, John accepted the items with a weary smile. 

“Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” Alex smiled back warmly. “I don’t know how you didn’t notice.”

John had expected he take care of his own hands, but Alex had already taken initiative, gently grabbing John’s hand and carefully wrapping the bandages around. John popped a couple of strawberries into his mouth with his free hand while Alex finished up. 

“Hey, listen, thank you-”

“Nope, there’s no need to thank me,” Alex laughed. “How do you feel?”

“A lot better. Still a bit dizzy but I can manage.”

“Do you want to try standing up?”

John nodded his head. 

Alex helped John up, and for the first time in a while, he had stayed upright. He stayed next to him in case, then immediately banished him to the sofa, much to John’s dismay who had not finished picking up the bowl.

“I feel fine now!” He protested. “Come on, pleaaasseeee?”

He attempted his best pouting face, which must’ve looked ridiculous as Alex just laughed.

“Nope. I’m grounding you before you end up on the ground.”

“Wow, what a play on words, I’m in absolute  _ awe. _ ”

“I know, I’m amazing,” Alex smiled. 

The two ended up taking it easy the rest of the day until Laf and Herc stopped by again to say hello. Both concerned, but not surprised about the events taking place prior. 

“Man, Alex,” Herc laughed. “Usually John is the one taking care of you!”

“I know, it’s honestly scary,” Alex responded. 

“But we cannot forget last night was the exception,” Laf chuckled. John’s heart stopped, realizing what he just said. Alex frowned, confused.

“Last night? Wait- what happened last night?”

John sent daggers to the two away from Alex’s sight, trying to send whatever signal for them to not say anything. Of course, they didn’t get the memo and began explaining everything. When they finished, Alex was dumbfounded.

“It was a sight to behold, to be sure,” Herc finished. John looked down, wishing he could disappear into the couch. 

“I…” Alex said. “I had no idea, John, I’m so sorry I did not mean to do any of that.”

“It’s fine, it's fine,” John said. “Really.”

“Then why did you lie and say nothing happened?”

The room went dead quiet, even Laf and Herc had stopped laughing. 

“I didn’t want to make things weird, and thought it would be best not to say anything,” he said, glaring at the other two who looked around awkwardly. 

“Well, now I’m kind of wondering what else you haven’t been saying to ‘make things less weird’.”

“Alex, not now-”

“No, no, if this was a good time to learn about last night then we might as well do it now, right?”

John wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cry or scream in everyone’s face. All he knew was his stomach was in knots and was left speechless that Alex was getting upset about the situation. His stomach was more in knots than he realized- as he began to feel increasingly sick again.

“I… I need to,” He stood up quickly. 

Too quickly. 

“John!”

John heard his name, but for some odd reason, it sounded distant. Like it miles and miles away. He wondered who had said it. Was it Alex? No, Alex wouldn’t, he’s mad at him, right? For a moment there was darkness, that John had not even registered by the time he blinked, staring up to the ceiling. And for a moment, he wondered if he had been dreaming. There were voices around him, muffled enough he couldn’t make much out. 

_ “Is he alright?” _

_ “This almost happened earlier, I thought he was okay.” _

A figure stood above him, and that’s when he realized that this time he had passed out. 

“John?” Laf crouched down next to him, along with Herc. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah,” John said, trying to sit up. “Where’s Alex?” 

“He went outside, mon ami,” Laf said, helping John sit. 

“Why?” John asked, confused. The two shrugged, much to his dismay. 

“Said he needed some air.”

John stood up slowly, just barely managing his footing at first, but just enough. After he was able to convince Laf and Herc he would be fine, he went outside to where Alex was. He sat on the step of the porch with his head in his hands. John wasn’t sure if he was crying- what about he wouldn’t know. He cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Can I sit?” He asked. Alex looked at him expressionlessly and nodded. 

“Listen, Lex, I’m sorry,” he said, sitting down. “I should’ve just told you.”

“No John, it wasn’t you, it’s never actually been you,” Alex laughed dryly. “It’s just been hard these past few days.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

Alex shrugged. 

“I want to help so badly sometimes, to just know what’s going on, to know  _ you _ . Then I find out you’re not being honest with me, even about silly things and it feels like we’re back at square one. I could tell how out of it you were today,” He said, looking at John. “I knew something happened last night, but you wouldn’t say and I was so scared.”

Tears welled in Alex’s eyes as he finished the sentence, leaving John speechless. He reached out, rubbing Alex’s back. 

“What if the guys hadn’t said anything?” He continued. “Would things have progressively gotten more awkward until what? Everything imploded?”

“I wouldn’t let that happen, Alex, ever,” John said quickly. 

“How would I know that? My mind, my mind goes a million miles per hour all day every day, John. I can’t have a single rational thought without completely tearing myself apart.”

Alex sighed. 

“I don’t know. I’m rambling.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m so sorry- I’m trying my hardest too. It’s hard for me to- you know- express if something is bothering me. Where I grew up, I had a good life, I wasn’t laboring in the fields, being mistreated. Compared to them, I was in luxury.” John looked down in thought. “The fact I was even alive was a feat. Only five of us kids lived out of about thirteen. It’s like I have no right to have problems.”

John looked over to Alex, who was listening intently. He then realized he hadn’t spoken much about his home life until now. 

“But you know that you’re human, that nobody chooses the life they’re brought up in and that your problems were and still are just as valid,” Alex said. “You do know that, right?”

“I like to tell myself,” John said, half smiling. Alex chuckled. 

“Well, I think we both have some things to work on.”

John nodded. 

“And I’m not even going to make you promise to tell me everything,” Alex said. “Because I don’t need to know everything, and I respect that, but if it’s for your or mine greater good then will you try?”

“Well, yeah of course. As long as you tell me when you think you’re not getting the whole story,” John smiled. Alex rolled his eyes, returning the gesture. 

“You got yourself a deal.”

The two shook hands, then Alex said

“Alright, no- this calls for a hug, c’ mere-”

John laughed as Alex gently pulled him into an embrace of which he immediately returned. They didn’t hug often, but when they did there was a sort of unmistakable warmth accompanied, something John could never put into words no matter how hard he tried. Afterward, they sat and chatted about different things. Their childhoods, schooling and all the things they never had before. Even about the goofy things Alex did the night before, which they both laughed about. 

While they talked, what they didn’t know was Herc and Laf stood behind them in the doorway, smiling at the two with knowing glints in their eyes. 

“When do you think they’ll finally figure it out?” Herc whispered just out of the two’s earshot. Laf snorted. 

“If they haven’t already? Too long.”

“And what about us?” Herc smiled, wrapping his fingers around Laf’s. Laf grinned back.

“It does not matter to me,” he said, placing a peck on Herc’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST! WHAAAAAAT??  
> .  
> It was in the tags originally, but I hadn't introduced it so I took it out a few chapters back. I thought it would be cute little surprise, that Herc and Laf had been dating whilst looking upon their problematic children.   
> .  
> Also, we have class polls at my school and I have friends who basically run yearbook who told us about who was winning what. Apparently I'm winning for "Drinks the Most Coffee" and "Most Musical" so I guess my caffeine addiction and an unhealthy love for Band and anything related are starting to pay off. Also, school was canceled for today which just... thank God. I was up until 3 or 4 writing this chapter like the hobgoblin I am. I drank a 200mg caffeine worth coffee at 1-ish and I felt powerful   
> .  
> Until I had to wake up early and shovel because I need money to fuel my obsessions (I bought boots that are the kind they wear in the musical because they were 14 dollars and I'm stupid).


	8. Stay True To Your Promises

It was the crack of dawn and Alex and John had already begun to prepare for his father’s arrival, Alex taking over cleaning the house and preparing dinner while John freshened up- the only thing Alex let him do. He could tell John had wanted to argue and pressure Alex to let him help cook and clean, but they both knew after yesterday they couldn’t risk anything, especially after another scare late last night. John hadn’t lost consciousness thankfully, but came close again, likely from the stress of today. Once they did all they could do to get ready, they went over their battle plan.

“Okay, so no Laf or Herc,” Alex said. 

“Obviously not,” John agreed. “They would definitely let him know.”

“And make it as heartfelt as you can, the faster he knows you’re both on good terms the faster he’ll be out.” Alex paused for a moment. “You’re sure you still want to keep this from him? It’s not too late to change your mind.”

John scoffed, “Nah, I value my life thank you very much.”

“Well, what about physicality? What if he goes in for a hug?”

“I’ll just have to take it,” John shrugged. Alex frowned, not quite liking the idea. 

“Listen I know it might not bother you but if your wound reopens that could be some serious stuff.”

“It’ll be fine.”

Alex looked at John for a moment, visibly expressing his disapproval. John sighed and said,

“I won’t let anything like that happen. Promise.”

Alex nodded his head, hoping that he was right. The past two days certainly had been a whirlwind. In between John’s impaired physical state, and the wide ranges of emotions shared between them, he was more exhausted than ever. One thing in particular that kept him up was the fact that he flirted with John drunkenly. He was a natural flirt, that was true, but he never flirted with friends. And for the longest time, he was completely sure he and John were just friends. 

But leave it to one night to make him completely rethink that.

It was a lot to internalize, but he couldn’t bring himself to mention it the day before, no matter how badly he wanted to. From what he was told, he confessed his mad love for John on the spot. The conversation drifted away from the topic before he had enough time to dive deeper. And it was killing him that he wouldn’t be able to mention it again until later that night, or even tomorrow. That paired with the stress of his work, he honestly was only being held together by John’s company and even sometimes that became overwhelming. They both sat around nervously, Alex still overthinking as usual when there was a knock on the door. The two shared glances.

“Your house.”

“Your dad!” Alex retorted, getting up anyway. John groaned and stood up as well. 

He took a deep breath and opened the door. Henry stood on the other side. The first thing Alex noticed was the similarities he and John shared, the same face structure minus the freckles and curls (which he could only assume were from his mother). He was mildly stocky, about the same height, maybe a small amount taller. Alex shook his hand quickly.

“Mr. Laurens pleased to meet you,” he said. “Please, come in.”

“Thank you very much, you must be that Hamilton boy John speaks so fondly of,” he said, smiling. Alex glanced at John, who looked away quickly. 

“A quaint little home you have here,” he said, walking in. Alex chuckled, closing the door. 

“Thank you, sir, I certainly try.”

“There you are, my boy, hiding are we?” Henry exclaimed to a very nervous looking John. 

The first thing he did was go in for a hug, which the two had expected. Alex winced for John as his father hugged him rather roughly. His father was faced away from Alex, so he managed to see John’s face, which looked pained. When they pulled apart, he managed to rebound just in time. 

“A pleasure, father,” he said politely. Alex nearly cracked up, as he’d never heard John speak in such a way. 

They all sat down for dinner, Alex sitting next to John and across from his dad. There was a heavy silence between them all, only an occasion clinking of silverware on the plates or glasses on the table. After a while John’s dad said,

“Wonderful meal, Alexander. You certainly are the cook, eh?” Alex chuckled awkwardly. 

“Oh, thank you, sir. A hobby of mine, to be sure.”

His dad smiled, then turned to John. 

“So, John, I meant to ask you this but what was your reasoning for dismissal? Haven’t been fighting comrades, I hope.”

“Oh, no nothing like that,” John said. “Uh, they had all the hands they needed so I’ve been here with Alexander writing letters and such.”

Alex had to admit, it was a believable lie. He almost believed it himself. Thankfully so did his father, and just like that, the conversation shifted away. John and his dad talked about more personal things, Alex politely listening and making sure not to intrude. It was strange how differently he acted around his dad, fairly monotone, lacking enthusiasm. It was sad, almost, because he had thought their relationship was good. Then again, Alex wouldn’t know. The day from then on went by seamlessly, and it looked like they were out of the woods when Henry began to say his goodbyes. Until…

“It was great seeing you again, son, and I’m glad things worked out. So, for the road,”

He went in for a hug, which John had hesitantly accepted.  This time though, whether it was the position or severity of the hug, Alex wasn’t sure, but John had let out a pained gasp. His dad let go, confused. 

“S-sorry,” John said quickly. Alex held his breath. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“What? No, of course not,”

“Let me see. Now.”

“I don’t know what you-”

His dad raised his voice, “Now!”

John quickly lifted the front of his shirt, revealing the bandaged wound. He glanced over at Alex sadly, who was afraid to say or do anything. His dad shook his head.

“Explanation, this instant.”

“It was a duel-”

His dad gasped, a look of horror mixed with anger cascading across his face. Alex’s heart sunk. 

“A duel, huh? And how long were you planning on keeping this from me?” John looked down and shrugged. Henry reached out, lifting John's head by his chin.

“You look at me when I speak to you. I cannot believe you would do such a thing, John- I really can’t. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

John shook his head quietly, and Alex, in a fit of anger, blurted.

“It was my fault sir.”

John and Henry turned, wide-eyed. 

_ What are you doing?  _ John mouthed. Alex looked at him for a moment, then continued. 

“I quarreled with General Lee and had orders not to do it. So, I asked John instead. He didn’t want to but I begged to see Lee get what he deserved and he caved. If you blame anyone, blame me, not him.”

Henry looked down at John. 

“Is this true?”

John looked hesitantly over to Alex, who gave a nod of confirmation. He sighed, then nodded his head. Henry sighed, rubbing his face, which was a reaction neither men expected.

“I have heard words on Lee’s actions, and though I believe dueling is no solution, it was a course of action I too disagreed with. I am only glad you’re safe,” he said, patting John on the shoulder. He turned to Alex and said with a nod

“Thank you for taking care of him.”

“Anytime, sir, Alex said. He saw the corner of John’s mouth turn upwards. 

After all was said and done, and goodbyes were said, Henry went on his way, leaving a still shocked Alex and John. 

“Are you alright?” Alex asked, motioning toward his wound. John nodded.

“Yo, Alex, thanks for that, you honestly saved my ass,” John laughed. Alex chuckled. 

“I thought he was going to kill me at first,” Alex responded truthfully. “I wonder why he suddenly, well, wasn’t angry anymore.” John shrugged.

“Beyond me. I’m just glad it’s over, honestly.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed. 

The tense air had finally diminished, and like before the two were able to relax. Well, until Alex had remembered earlier. He was hesitant now to bring up the night at the bar again, after all, they had just begun to feel comfortable around each other again, and that was something that Alex didn’t want to ruin. 

_ It doesn’t have to ruin it, _ A small voice in the back of his head whispered.  _ You’re keeping your promises. _

“Hey, John?” Alex asked as the two were standing at the sink washing dishes. 

“Hm?” John hummed, rinsing one of the plates. 

“So about that night in the bar, I never really got the chance to ask but how come you never had said anything? And you can be honest too, I'm just curious.”

John sighed. 

“Well, I knew it might make things awkward, and with everything recently I didn’t know if I wanted to open that can of worms, you now. And…” he trailed off hesitantly.

“And…?”

“Something you said stuck with me, I thought for sure you’d remember.”

Alex frowned. “What did I say?”

John set the plate down, looking away in thought. 

“After you said you loved me, I pointed out that you were drunk and for a second- just a second you looked completely sober and said ‘who says I can’t be both?’. I know now you were drunk and stuff but at the time I wasn’t that sure.”

Alex blinked, surprised. Even that sounded to him like something a drunk wouldn’t say. John had gone back to washing dishes while Alex stood in absolute shock. John reached over and playfully slugged his arm.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, Lex.”

“I’m trying,” Alex laughed, slugging John back. John took a step back, smiling with narrowed eyes.

“Is this a challenge?”

Alex put his hands on his hips. 

“Maybe.”

Suddenly John, with a cup Alex hadn’t even registered to be in his hands, splashed water onto him. It was cold too, which made it even worse. John burst out laughing.

“Oh, that’s it!”

Alex reached in the sink and scooped water with a cup also in the sink, but by the time we went to throw John had already run off. He chased after him.

“Get back here!” He gasped, barely able to contain his laughter. 

Alex had ended up chasing John completely across the house and then some until he managed to corner him. They looked at each other for a moment, John narrowing his eyes with a look of  _ don’t you dare _ , flashing across his face. So naturally, without a moment’s hesitation, Alex poured the glass of water over the top of John’s head. He pressed his lips together as the water ran down in front of his face and onto his clothes, Alex absolutely milking the moment. 

“Touche,” he panted. Alex chuckled, ensuring all the water out of the cup.

“That’s payback.”

“I didn’t pour the water on you though, I lightly slashed it-”

Alex grabbed his ponytail, looking John dead in the eyes as he wrung out an abundance of water. 

“Okay, but still,” John laughed, he stopped for a moment, his face changing to that of hesitation. “Say um, would you happen to have any more of those pills?”

Alex frowned. “I think so, is it bothering you again?”

“Just a little,” John smiled awkwardly. 

As Alex went to retrieve the bottle, he couldn’t help but feel slight relief that John had even told him. Maybe he was wrong about the ordeal, maybe John was beginning to trust him. Then a thought occurred to him that hadn’t before.

That might not even matter soon, because it would be any day now John might go home.

He stopped. He had grown so used to John’s presence that even the thought of him leaving made him feel sick to his stomach. For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t alone. He took the pills from the cabinet and as he closed it, caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror- and for a moment he didn’t recognize himself. Maybe it was the eye bags from all the sleepless nights, or the new creases accenting his features from days spent laughing. Or maybe it was the glint in his eye that could only be attributed to the presence of a good friend. He sighed and walked out into the living area. John was looking out the window, transfixed.

“Earth to John,” Alex said, tossing the bottle. John turned, barely managing to clasp it in his hands. 

“Good catch.”

“Thanks,” John smiled. “Yo, look outside.”

Alex began to hear the soft patter of rain on the roof, and when he turned he saw a glint of light shine through the window. Though the sun was shining, a light sheet of rain still fell. 

“That’s amazing,” With an idea in mind, he grabbed John’s wrist. “Hey! Let’s go out there!”

“Alex, I can’t,” he said sadly. 

“Oh... right.” Alex had forgotten John couldn’t get his wound wet. He suddenly felt a pang of guilt, but thankfully John smiled and said,

“Maybe next time?”

“How often does this happen though? Rain and sunshine?” 

John shrugged. 

Alex still wanted so badly to bring up when John planned on leaving- to maybe give himself some kind of reassurance- or just knowledge. He wanted to believe that he would just never leave, but that wasn’t possible. Because, after all, what were they? Friends taking care of friends?

That small voice in the back of his head spoke, just above a whisper to the point, he wasn’t sure if it was real or not. 

_ You can be more. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I'm still defending my titles of Musicality and Coffee so that's good. This week has been, something and my birthday is already next week! The big 17, I can't believe it. Last time I was in the fandom I was like 14 or 15 I think, so it's like a whole new era lol. The next chapter is already underway, then it's over *crying*. Don't forget to comment though guys! I absolutely love reading those, they make me so happy.


	9. The Good Stems From The Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want you all to know, that I wrote this in class, with my brightness all the way down and instead of using "Alex" and "John" I used * and ^. I honestly had to keep myself from squealing when I wrote parts of this. Also, credit for that last part goes to KAMBER. Everyone in the comments, say 'thank you, Kamber'. LOL.

After John's dad had left, and all was said and done, the house was relatively quiet. Once again Laf and Herc stopped over to sit and chat, knowing the Alex and John were more than bored out of their minds. Alex noticed something he hadn’t before though and didn’t hesitate to bring it up.

“So are you guys… like a thing?”

“Alex!” John gasped. Confusingly enough, Laf and Herc just laughed.

“What? Am I missing something?” John asked. Alex wondered the same. 

“Mes Amies,” Laf said in between chuckles, “You took so long to figure it out!”

Alex blanked. 

“Huh?”

“Oh, you two are so cute. You see, you feel and yet?” Laf shook his head. “You don’t know.”

“Okay riddle master,” John said, rolling his eyes. “In English?”

“Do you forget I’m french?”

“Nah, I just chose to ignore that part.”

Laf leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. “It is a miracle either of you gets women, you are denser than a brush pile.”

Alex rolled his eyes but heard as John mumbled something under his breath, too quiet for anyone to make out. Not even Alex who sat directly next to him.

“Listen, you can’t tell anyone,” Herc said in a surprisingly more serious tone. “You guys know how people ‘round here are.”

“Of course, your secret is safe with us, right John?”

“Well, duh.”

“Thank you,” Laf said. “And I truly hope there are no hard feelings about what we said before, we weren’t aware that was not to be said.”

Alex and John exchanged glances, both knowing well that in the end, it had been for the better. Neither of them said anything though.

“Yo! I almost forgot,” Herc said suddenly. He reached into his pocket, and a jangle was heard. He pulled out a small bottle from his coat

“I’m sure you guys were running outta these,” he handed the bottle of opiates to Alex, who stared in shock knowing very well they were hard to find. Especially in war. 

“Where did you?-”

“General Washington sent them with us, completely forgot about them until I threw on my coat to come here.”

“Thank you,” John said. “Like, seriously that’s a lifesaver.”

“Still sore then, I take it?” Laf asked. The other two rolled their eyes, thinking about the incident with John’s father.

“You have no idea.”

After a bit more small talk, the sun had begun to set and the two men went on their way. Alex appreciated it when they stopped by, it was nice being able to talk to them, especially after so long of being preoccupied with the war efforts. In and out of different towns, ambushes, attacks, there wasn’t much time to hang around and shoot the breeze sometimes. Before they realized, night had come. Alex took to his usual spot at the desk, John on the bed. Alex worked for a while, finishing and editing essays and articles, assuming the silence that filled the room was from John sleeping. When he glanced over though, he saw John was laying down and staring at the ceiling spaced. He frowned, wondering if John was even blinking. He threw an eraser at him.

“Are you dead over there?”

Without meaning to, the eraser managed to hit right around the spot of his wound. He yelped, nearly falling off the bed in the process. Alex stood up frantically.

“I’m so sorry- I am so sorry!” 

John rolled over, and for a second Alex thought he was crying, but instead, he laughed. Even so, laughing would be an understatement as he was next to screaming from laughing so hard- which caused Alex to start laughing as well. Then the two were completely losing their marbles, over an eraser. After the main fit of laughter died down, and a couple of short bursts of giggles, the two agreed they were sleep-deprived. 

“I thought you were dead,” Alex said. “Just completely gone.”

“I’m gonna lie, Alex, nothing was going on in my head. It was static.”

Alex chuckled. 

“You know, it’s been pretty fun with you here,” he said. “It’s going suck when you go.”

John frowned thoughtfully. 

“Yeah, I honestly don’t even want to.”

_ He doesn’t?  _ Alex thought, almost excitedly.  _ Maybe they can work something out then? _

“I love my family, and my siblings and stuff,” he continued. “But they all want me to be something I’m not. I mean, they sent me to boarding in school for law for crying out loud, and I never even finished! Being here and stuff, away from all that pressure, it’s so nice.”

He sighed, slumping his shoulders. 

“It’s exhausting pretending, Lex.”

Alex nodded understandingly. He felt for John, he really did. He had the consolation of not worrying about hiding who he was, and frankly, it never bothered him what people thought. Sure, for people like the general he wanted to make good impressions, but he would never change who he was to do that. A part of him wondered though. That there was more to what he was saying. 

“John, if I could I would one hundred and ten percent let you stay here,” he said. 

John looked up.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course.”

John half-smiled, looking a bit sad. 

“I wish I could, my family though, they would never approve.”

Alex tilted his head in confusion, “Why? Is it because of me?”

“No, no, not that,” John bit his lip, looking hesitant. Alex was fairly certain what he was hinting at, but he couldn’t be completely sure. Before he could prod any further John changed the subject.

“So, how is the writing coming?”

“Oh,” Alex glanced over to his desk. “Actually, really well.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t behind, to be honest,” John laughed lightly. 

“Me? Behind? Never.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

Alex shrugged then said, “Late nights.”

John narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

“How late?”

Without thinking about it Alex blurted “All night,” then covered his mouth. John’s jaw dropped.

“Alexander! I thought we agreed you would at least try and sleep!” 

Alex tried his best to smile and diffuse John’s anger, but it seemed to make the situation worse

“This isn’t funny, you need to sleep,” he crossed his arms. 

He was right, Alex had to admit, but he knew John had too hardly slept. 

“What about you?” He asked. “You aren’t exactly sleeping beauty either.”

“Yeah but-”

“And you know you can ask for things to help with the pain,” he continued. John slouched defeatedly. 

“I know, but you still need to take care of yourself. I’ve seen how little you’ve been sleeping and eating, how worried you look, the bags under your eyes. You’re exhausted and just because I’m the one that took a bullet to the side doesn’t mean you don’t need taken care too.”

John locked eyes Alex with, unmoving from the gaze he usually dropped in tense situations. That’s when Alex knew he was serious about what he was saying. Not that he usually wasn’t, but this was more so.

“I know, and I’m sorry, John. I didn’t mean to worry you- I guess I just get caught up in other things I don’t realize when I’m failing myself.” He laughed dryly. “I didn’t mean to worry you. You have enough-”

“No, no way,” John said quickly. “Don’t tell me I have enough to worry about, I’m perfectly capable of multitasking thank you very much.”

Alex laughed. 

“Okay, okay, you win.”

“So…?” John said, leaning forward on the bed. Alex groaned. 

“Give me an hour, and I’ll be done.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

* * *

It was three hours later, and Alex couldn’t fall asleep to save his life. 

He tossed and turned for what felt like centuries on the couch, the idea of working instead of wasting time laying slowly eating at him. He could easily be working in his office, or at the kitchen table at least plus, it wasn’t like he could sleep either. Half the time when he pulled all-nighters, it wasn’t because he kept himself awake, but because he just _ couldn’t _ sleep. 

Another three hours passed, then a few more past that, and Alex couldn’t even tell if he had slept or if he had just been drifting in and out of consciousness. It was as if time was some sort of illusion because when it felt like an hour past seven had. He glanced over at the window and saw a faint glow on the very distant horizon. The day would be coming soon and he hadn’t gotten a lick of sleep. He waited, drifting off again when he heard a loud noise. He jumped, his heart starting to race. He couldn’t tell if it was real, or if he had simply dreamt it, but when he heard another muffled yell he knew something was wrong. He sprang up, nearly falling onto the floor in his rush to the bedroom. When he threw the door open, his heart sank.

“John? John-? Oh my God,” he gasped, rushing to the bedside. John was curled up into a ball on his side, his face half-buried into the blood-stained sheets. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know what- I can’t,” he gasped in between pained sobs. 

“Shh, shh,” Alex said, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what to do, but he knew he couldn’t just panic. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, I-I just woke up- and I must’ve slept on it wrong and there was blood and oh my God I’m so sorry your  _ sheets _ -”

“Hey, hey calm down, I’m not worried about that.”

John inhaled jaggedly before another gasp escaped him. He wrapped his arms around himself and the side of his stomach where blood was beginning to trickle. Alex moved to try looking at the wound, causing John to further curl up.

“John, I need to look at it,” he said gently. John didn’t respond. Alex frowned. “C’mon, I can’t help you unless you let me.”

“It hurts,” John mumbled, his voice muffled by the bedding. 

“I know, I know.”

John turned over slowly, wincing. Alex held his breath. John’s hands were covered in blood, and the area underneath him was completely soaked in a mix of different shades of red, which meant that he had been bleeding for a while. Had he been asleep? Or awake and bleeding and didn’t call out for help? He reached down, slowly removing the sodden bandages. As he did so, John made an array of small pained noises, which sent pangs through Alex's chest. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, trying to go as quickly as possible. 

Once he managed to remove the bandages, he could hardly look at the area. He went fast, wiping up the blood with a spare towel. At one point, he accidentally got too close to the wound which caused John to cry out in pain Alex bit the inside of his cheek, trying to stop himself from sobbing as he wrapped fresh bandages around the area. Thankfully the bleeding stopped. 

John leaned back, breathing heavily. Alex leaned back onto the bed as well, of which he ended up kneeling over John as he was patching him up. 

“Are you alright?” Alex asked. John nodded, giving him a weak smile. 

_ God, he must be in so much pain, _ Alex thought incredulously.  _ How does he still manage to smile? _

Alex helped John over to the couch while he put the sheets in a basin for them to soak. John was sickly pale when he came back, which worried Alex more than anything. When he asked about it, John said he ‘felt fine’. 

“You look like a ghost, Jackie,” he said. John looked up in surprise, knowing Alex hardly used the nickname. 

“I think I just need some air s’all.” 

“You’ll catch your death!”

John looked up at Alex amusedly. 

“You... sound like my mother.”

Alex chuckled, grabbing the two’s coats off the rack. “Well, someone has to.”

The two made their way out onto the porch, Alex steadying John with his arm. It was still dark outside, and the air was crisp with September air, a sign winter would be upon them soon. They sat down on the porch, backs leaned against the side of the house. The daylight still lingered sadly on the horizon, like a land far far away. John shivered next to him.

“Cold?” Alex asked. John had his coat on but still seemed chilled. He shrugged. 

Alex began to take off his coat to which John immediately protested.

“Alex, you don’t have to-”

“-I feel fine, take the coat,” he said, holding it out. When John hesitated, he just draped it over the other. 

“Thanks,” he said simply, but with a shy grin on his face. 

They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn’t an awkward silence by any means. It was more of a comfortable silence, just sitting in the presence of each other. Alex glanced at John from time to time, who gazed distantly into the sky. After a while, his eyelids began to droop more and more, until he had finally given in and fell asleep. He slumped into Alex’s shoulder. Alex grinned to himself, possibly blushing, but he wouldn’t know. To make it more comfortable, Alex slid down the side until the two were both in a lying position, John’s head now resting on top of his chest, fast asleep. 

Alex never managed to fall asleep, and he honestly didn’t want to. He wanted to stay in the moment because he knew it would ever happen again. Again, the voice whispered.

_ Make it count. Make it count. _

He carefully wrapped his arm around John, pulling him closer to himself. John shifted, and for a second Alex was afraid he woke him up. Instead, he curled up closely into Alex, and a small smile spread across his face. Alex smiled too.

_ This doesn’t have to be the only time. _

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. They had stayed like that for a while, that is until Alex opened his eyes again. The lightless was now overhead of them, but not like before. Instead, the sky had turned a brilliant orange, with pinks and purple painted across the clouds that rose like mountains above them. He was in awe. 

“John, hey John, wake up,” he said, gently shaking him. John stirred for a moment, then groggily opened his eyes. 

“Hm? What?”

John seemed to notice the position the two were in, but instead of shying away he simply looked up to Alex. 

“Look,” he pointed at the sky. As John lifted his head, his eyes went wide in wonder. 

“Whoa…” he said quietly. “That’s beautiful.”

In some twist of fate, or perhaps coincidence, Alex wasn’t sure which, a drop of rain fell in front of them. Then another, and another. The sky, though clear, released a light sheet of rain that fell on the two. They sat up, both awestruck.

“No. Way.” Alex laughed. John laughed breathlessly. 

“Come on,” John tugged on Alex's sleeve. “Let’s go out there!”

“But your wound-”

“It’s already open, what does it matter?”

Alex laughed and helped John up. Without a moment’s hesitation, John sprinted out into the middle of the street. Alex hung behind, standing on the safety of the porch. 

“This is awesome!” John shouted, looking upwards.

The rain reflected the light of the sky, so instead of a dull grey or even blue rain- it was filled with color. Purple, orange, and pink as if the sky was falling. He threw his hands up in the air.

“Woo!”

Alex laughed, crossing his arms. John caught his eye and ran up to the porch to where Alex was. He held out a hand. 

“Come on,” he chuckled. “Please?” Alex groaned but smiled and accepted the gesture. 

John pulled him out onto the road. He felt the soft rain as it hit his face and neck, it was refreshing in a way. The two laughed, and for the first time in a while, Alex was filled with nothing but pure joy. No fear, no worries, just the moment. He looked over at John, who stood with his face in the sky, eyes closed, letting the rain just fall. Alex smiled fondly.

“I guess I was wrong,” Alex said. “It did happen again. The rain.”

John opened his eyes, looking over at Alex. Suddenly, he rushed over, next to throwing himself on top of Alex in a hug. Alex laughed confusedly. 

“John, what are you-?”

John buried his face into Alex’s chest and chuckled before saying,

“Thank you, Alex, for… everything.”

Alex smiled, returning the hug. He had to laugh at all that led up to this moment in time. John getting shot, the pain, the arguments, the secrets and hurt. All worth it in the end. 

“Always, John. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today during school was kind of weird. So I do most of my classes in the computer lab, and people come and go each hour. There's a kid in my grade who I used to talk to in Elementary, but he's a popular guy so not so much now who sits behind me in 4th hour. Well, I'm sitting there, and I hear him like... moan my name? So I turn around and he looks at me and dead faced says:
> 
> "Don't worry, I've got socks on."
> 
> And turned back around. LIKE WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It was funny but I'm still quite confused. Also, I think I might have the last chapter whipped out and ready for Valentine's Day! I'm sad this is already so close to being over, I love writing these. Anything you guys want to see before it's done, speak now!


	10. The Past is the Past

Sometimes life takes turns you never see coming, not even within the vastness of the mind of the greatest overthinker. It’s beautiful, in a way, that even from the darkest moment something new can be formed. John had thought about that on the porch that early morning as his eyes caught that of a faraway tree stump. Though it had been cut down long ago, a solitary young branch extended from it. He had to laugh, he heard the expression a million times but never once thought he could be in the same predicament. John had never felt so much pain before in his life, yet at the same time, he never felt so much love, so much happiness that it threatened to bubble over in those late nights were the light from the candle and the soft scratch of quill on paper lulled him to sleep. He didn’t want to believe life could be any other way. 

Still, life was and never would be perfect. 

Alex guessed John had been traumatized from the gunfight, as his nightmares -which had once been in a blue moon- became every night. Sometimes Alex would already be up, or he would be woken by the sounds of John screaming and sobbing himself awake. He would crawl into bed with him then, John clinging into him like he was the only thing he had left. And sometimes, Alex would stay even when John was alright again. Even some nights when there wasn’t a nightmare for miles, Alex would crawl into bed half-awake and wrap himself into John’s arms, falling back asleep. They didn’t formally talk about it for a long time either, as if they just had accepted it as a part of their new daily lives. And surprisingly, nothing needed to be said, because as the old saying goes actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words are needed when you need to scream. 

“Alex?”

”Mhm?” He hummed. John took a small breath.

“You know I love you, right?”

Alex looked up, his face wearing a look of tiredness, but a smile planted on his lips. 

“I love you too, Jackie.”

John laughed breathlessly, feeling his chest release all the weight that had built up in those few seconds. Then, in an odd turn of events, his eyes began to well up with tears.

“John? Hey, you okay?” Alex asked, rolling over onto John’s chest. He laughed again.

“Yeah- yeah, I’m just, happy, I guess?” He shook his head, tears began rolling down his face. 

“Don’t go scaring me like that,” Alex chuckled, gently wiping the tears with his thumb. “I was worried.”

John smiled, exhaling shakily. 

“Alex, I haven’t been happy in such a long time I was so scared I never would be again,” he confessed. “And now I am.” 

“Well then that’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah- yeah of course,” John said quickly. “Just, sometimes I feel like it won’t last and that...”

He trailed off, laughing at himself. Alex frowned at him.

“Scares you?” He finished. John nodded. 

“John, I can never promise I’ll always be here,” Alex said quietly. “I mean, this is war for Christ’s sake, none of us are safe. What I can promise, though, is for as long as I’m here I won’t leave your side. And that’s the truth.”

John bit his lip, fighting back more tears. He instead lightened the mood.

“You and your damned word mastery- I can’t even respond to that!”

Alex chuckled, laying his head back down on John’s chest. 

“You don’t need to, I just wanted to tell you that. For a long time.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded his head and yawned. John yawned as well, as it was probably only about four AM at the time. John had another nightmare not too long before, and in most cases, he would’ve fallen right back asleep after Alex came. This time, however, he had an unnaturally bad dream, which also happened to be the same one from the night he reopened his wound. A recount of the duel, except for some reason Alex had not been there. Nobody had been there, it was just John, lying on the ground as he slowly bled to death. The first time the pain he felt in his dream was justified from the fact it was real, but this time around there had been no reason. When he woke up, the pain was gone. Alex had been standing over him, running his hand through his hair trying to calm him down while he sobbed, asking if he was bleeding and wondering if that was Alex by his side or if it had been another dream. 

After that, John didn’t even want to fall back asleep, no matter how many nights he was robbed of it. He felt a hand run across his forehead.

“Hey,” he said softly. “No more tears.”

John didn’t even realize he was crying. 

“Try and sleep, okay? I’m right here,” Alex smiled. John smiled too, feeling himself become more at ease. 

As he slowly fell back asleep, the dream played on like a silent movie in the background of his mind. Though he didn’t dream about it again, it stayed in the back of his mind until he finally dozed off. 

* * *

_ There was nothing. There was nobody. He was alone.  _

_ John stared distantly at the sky, it was darker than he remembered. Has it always been like that? He wanted so desperately to cry out, just to ask someone, anyone, to help him, but it was as if there was no air in his lungs. He felt the cool rainfall on his face, trickling like tears.  _

_ “H-help,” he choked. No response. “Please.” _

_ Pain like fire crawled across his body, engulfing every inch and every sense until all he knew was the pain. And yet, he couldn’t scream. He wanted to scream, he  _ **_needed_ ** _ to scream. But he couldn’t, and it was killing him. There were distant rumbles of thunder, ominous and without warning but fading quickly which made John wonder, is this where he would die? He didn’t want to die, God, he didn’t want to die. He lolled his head to the side and tried to conquer whatever power in him to yell. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and like a dam breaking- a scream exploded from his chest.  _

_ And then it was quiet. The pain was gone. There were voices now, distant, but he could make out Alex’s. He smiled, and everything faded once more. _

* * *

It was later that following night when Burr showed up. Neither could believe it when he stood on their doorstep well after dark. He put his arms behind his back, awkwardly shifting on his feet.

“Evening, gentleman.”

“Mr. Burr, come in,” Alex said. John gawked in the corner.

“I thought I would stop by and say hello,” he said, gesturing toward John. “See how you’ve been.”

John completely blanked. “Good, thank you.”

Alex raised his eyebrows, also taken aback by the gesture. Burr, as many knew, wasn’t much of an emotional man. It looked as though it made Burr just as uncomfortable as the two, as he quickly changed topics. 

“I was in town grabbing a drink and people were asking around for you two,” he said. “You certainly are popular around here.”

The two smirked, but it truly was a nice thought people had been wondering where they were. The fact it was people from the bar made it so John didn’t know whether to laugh or grimace. 

“So, I thought I’d invite you two out for some drinks. Get out of the house- no doubt you must be feeling the cabin fever.” 

John and Alex exchanged glances before Alex said, “Alright. I’m game. John?”

“Yo, I’m never one to turn down drinks.”

“I expected nothing else,” Burr laughed. 

* * *

When the three walked into the bar, it was as if a gun had went off. Conversations stopped in their tracks and for a moment all eyes were on the three. John was almost afraid at that point, until a couple of people at the bar, some friends of John, called out,

“Johnny boy!”

The men rushed them, throwing their arms around John and Alex. John could tell Alex was worried at first, shooting a frantic glance toward him as the men drunkenly huddled. He smiled to let Alex know he was alright. The wound was next to completely healed by that point, though some bruising was still prominent the chances of it reopening were next to none. He laughed as the men all cheered again, their breath smelled like booze and filled the little open air. Once they all dispersed, a man by the name of Evan Edwards was left. John recognized him immediately, as he was an aide-de-camp to Lee. 

“Major Edwards,” John said, surprised. Evan shook his hand.

“Colonel Laurens. Glad to see you well.”

John saw Alex peer from across the room, almost murderously. 

“If I can ask, why are you-?”

“Unofficial business, to be sure,” he said quickly. “I thought I would catch you and express on behalf of General Lee our regrets toward the situation. And the hope there are no hard feelings.”

John nearly laughed in his face.  _ No hard feelings?  _ He thought incredulously.  _ The dude tries to murder me then wants me to forgive him?  _ He was about to express these thoughts when another suddenly occurred to him. If he says anything, there’s a chance he might be challenged again. Any other time, he would be more than willing to duel again but considering lee’s track record, he’d rather not. He sighed and said.

“All is forgiven.”

Evan smiled politely, shaking his hand again while John tried to ignore the fact Alex was choking on his drink across the room. 

“I’m glad to hear. Well, you enjoy the rest of your night.”

As Evan walked away, Alex shot him a look of unbridled surprise, and John couldn’t exactly blame him. He walked over and sat down.

“So just like that? You forgave him? The man tried to  _ murder _ you and you forgave him?”

“The past is the past,” John shrugged. “And I don’t exactly want to deal with it anymore anyway.”

“John, I don’t know about you sometimes,” Alex chuckled, taking a swig of his drink. John narrowed his eyes.

“You better not get wasted again.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it- waiter! A pint over here, please.”

As the waiter set the drink down, Alex nudged the glass over to John. 

“Well I could’a paid,” he mumbled sheepishly. Alex just laughed. 

They shot the breeze for a while while they drank. Though it wasn’t nearly as much as last time, Alex ended up getting fairly tipsy.

On the other hand, John couldn’t say he didn’t either.

Even Burr had a fair amount to drink, but nothing to get him even near tipsy. John had to admit, it was impressive considering how much he had drunk. 

“And so I punched him in the face, it was magnificent,” Alex laughed. “He was out cold, I thought I killed him!”

John laughed into his drink. 

“He looked at me like I was an idiot! And I’m  _ not. _ ”

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, 

“You know what, John? I’m proud of you.”

John raised his eyebrows at the sudden gesture. 

“Why?”

“Because you didn’t let Lee get the chance to rechallenge you, you lied and said it was fine when it wasn’t because you knew better and that’s pretty cool I think because-”

“Shh,” John put his hand up to Alex’s mouth. “You’re rambling again.”

“M’ not,” he said muffled. John pulled back, sighing. 

“Your hands are soft,” he noted, grabbing the hand John had just pulled back. “Did you know that?”

“Are you-?”

“Your lips are equally so-”

“Alex,” John said simply. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m just saying, I would like nothing more than to show you my affection, rather than say it. And if I could at this very moment, by God I would.”

“How much have you had?” 

Alex leaned in, and for a moment John wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Instead, Alex whispered into his ear. 

“Have some of my drink.”

“Uh, what?”

“Take a sip of it.”

“Why?”

“Do it.”

John looked at Alex’s drink, then back at him. The glass looked completely ordinary. He picked it up and took a small sip.

“It's... water? Wait-” John looked back to Alex who was smirking. 

“Surprise.”

John’s mouth dropped. For a moment, he got the overall gist of what Alex had done, but then another thought occurred which Alex seemed to pick up on.

“Never order the tap from here,” he said. “It might kill you.”

John laughed breathlessly, feeling a sudden surge of admiration well up in his chest.  _ God, _ he thought.  _ I love this idiot. _

“I love you.”

John perked up, wondering if it was Alex or him that just whispered the words. He looked at Alex, who was smiling affectionately at him. He smiled back.

“I love you too.”

* * *

It was sometime later before they left, both men practically stumbling down the steps and into the street. The moon shone brightly enough that the street was illuminated, just dimly enough the stars still shined. They walked with their arms on each other shoulders, giggling and talking about God-knows-what. For a while, Alex had convinced himself he didn’t remember where he lived.

“John, what if I forgot?”

“You did  _ not. _ ”

“But,” he held up a finger. “What if I did?”

Thankfully they made it back home without any obscene incidents. Though they were intoxicated, neither were completely wasted, which made for a decent enough rest of the night. John laid down on the bed, staring at the ceiling while Alex changed into nightclothes. He had already changed into them earlier, and in between the time, the two managed to sober up (a little).

“What a night, huh?” Alex laughed. “It’s a miracle there were no bar fights.”

“It’s never too late.”

“I think I’ll just sleep here for tonight,” Alex said, playfully draping himself across John. John grunted in protest, but in reality, he didn’t mind. 

“Is that so?”

Suddenly, Alex rolled over whilst still on top of a now confused John. Their faces barely two inches away from each other. John could almost taste the beer from Alex’s breath. He held his own.

“Hi,” Alex laughed, his face flushing. John could feel his growing red too. 

“...hi.” 

They looked at each other for a long moment, John staring into Alex’s dark eyes, wondering how he used to look into them and not get lost. 

“John?” Alex breathed. 

“Hm?”

“This is going to sound kind of insane, so bear with me, but-”

In a moment of pure adrenaline, John closed the small gap between them. It was only for a moment, but the moment felt like a lifetime. It could’ve been longer, but John fell back down onto the bed, unable to hold himself up any longer. 

“Alex, I-”

This time Alex had cut him off. He leaned down, firmly pressing his lips to John’s. He went stiff at first but quickly found himself melting into Alex. His lips were softer than he could ever have imagined, no matter the many times he found himself studying his mouth; the way he smiled, frowned, the way his lip curled up when he concentrated hard enough or the way the corners of his mouth quirked up when he tried his hardest not to smile.

No, nothing prepared him for this.

Alex pulled back, panting, but an exasperated smile on his face. John laughed, also trying to catch his breath. 

“I,” he panted. “Have wanted to do that for so long.”

John laughed, but inside his thoughts were racing faster than the speed of sound. How long? Why didn’t he before? He stopped himself and realized it didn’t matter because now it had finally happened. Alex laid himself back down, resting his head in the crook of John’s neck. 

“And I’ve wanted you to do that for so long,” John laughed, leaning his face into Alex’s hair. 

“Hey, John?” Alex murmured. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m really tired.”

John chuckled, closing his eyes. 

“Then go to sleep, silly.”

“But I wanna stay up with yoouuu,” he whined, nuzzling his shoulder. 

“Lex, I’m not going anywhere.”

After no response from Alex, John looked down to see Alex had already fallen asleep. He smiled, placing a kiss on his forehead before settling back down into the bed. He looked up at the ceiling for a while and had to laugh. If he had to take a pop quiz on the ceiling above Alexander’s bed, he would ace it. His mind wandered for a while until hazily, he fell asleep.

And for the first time in a long time, there were no nightmares. Not that night, not the next night, or for weeks after that. Alex jokingly remarked it was thanks to him, and at first John would laugh, brushing it off. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more he wondered, but never became overly preoccupied with the idea. 

“Hey, I have to head out, manuscripts are due in ten,” Alex said, quickly placing a kiss on John’s cheek. “Still on for lunch?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” John smiled from his place at the desk. 

Alex grinned, then rushed out the door.  _ Oh, he will definitely be late, _ John thought amusedly. 

So no, he wasn’t particularly worried about it. Because, after all… the past was the past. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And like that... it's done. Also yeah that whole posting on Valentine's Day didn't work out- my bad. But yeah! In case anyone is confused, John ended up staying with Alex hehe. 
> 
> Also, I sang sO MUCH Hamilton last weekend it was insane. Like, we sang every song in the first act 10 times each. My Shot the most because why not? Also, I handed my friend my Hamilton The Revolution book while she was singing and instead of saying "Laurens I like you a lot," I gave it to her and she gasped and said, "Laurens I LOVE YOU A LOT" and idk why but I loved that. It was amazing. My friend and I literally sang ourselves to sleep with The Story of Tonight and then she played The World Was Wide Enough and I cried. 
> 
> I've been crying way too much over this fandom I stg I thought I was safe. Also! Thinking of doing my first ever college AU! I have a lot planned out, would any of you guys be interested if I decided to write something? Let me know in the commeenntttssss!!!!


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